Tonight I’m having my first party in a long time. Yesterday preparing for it I had one of those insecure moments most people have at some point in their lives. Did I pick the right food? The right drink? Will my costume be ok? Does the house look ok? Maybe the music isn’t diverse enough…I had lists of things going through my mind. Walking from my front room to my dining room I realized I was starting to become nervous. I made myself a Black Widow and decided to check email. Almost back to back I had four emails from four different people with four different (and conflicting) expectations from me:

1. I loved your response. You should speak up more, kudos! [Response was fine as it was]
2. I wouldn’t have said anything at all. [I shouldn't have said anything]
3. Lose the sarcasm. I expected more of you. [Assumed an emotion I wasn't feeling]
4. I think you should have dug deeper in the situation, even if it got ugly. [I should have done more]

Completely conflicting expectations. Getting them almost back to back made it real clear what I deal with everyday. This is a list of some of the expectations/critiques I receive online:

1. How I should run the business.
2. What features the business should have.
3. The direction the business should go in.
4. Specific instructions on how things should be handled.
5. What I can talk about.
6. How I can talk about it.
7. Where I can talk about it.
8. What my words mean.
9. The emotions behind my words.
10. The true intent of my words.

Let’s look at this a minute. Tom, founder of MySpace is lying on his profile about his age, when asked about it doesn’t comment, and there was a discussion about whether it was “news” or not because it is considered that insignificant. I write something that isn’t that big of a deal (like a response to a note) and people have expectations on what I said, how I said it, what I should have said, etc. Read the comments on his profile. Love and praise but no one is saying, “You shouldn’t lie, you’re better than that” or “You added new features but didn’t stop the people from having ugly ass pages. Why Tom, why?”. Maybe he is getting these and it’s just not public but publicly the majority don’t care. If I lied about my age or what I ate for breakfast, wow, I’d never hear the end of it.

So what’s the difference? What am I doing that is causing this higher plateau of expectation that a founder of a billion dollar business doesn’t have? The irony is, a Mike Arrington quote made me realize what I was doing wrong:

Velioncho, reader comments, links and emails certainly impact what we write about. But I still tend to write what I feel is interesting as opposed to taking the path of least resistance. If I stopped doing that this job wouldn’t be much fun anymore. The exit door is a click away – stay if you like, leave if you don’t

On a business side I know some decisions will not be popular and I have that attitude. Mike, Scrivs and I share 9rules and it’s our company but when we respond to people in Notes we are usually giving person opinions – something that doesn’t normally happen in the traditional work setting. When I write here I express my personal thoughts but it stopped being fun because I was jumping through hoops for people I never met and didn’t know me. I keep saying don’t do that but it’s easy to do to avoid the drama. When it gets to the point I’m writing to make others happy there is something wrong.

I wasn’t following my own advice. I am now.

I booked a trip (that I’m not supposed to take yet) because I need to decompress a bit. I’ve been making other people happy for so long I need to find what makes me happy. Combine that with me not being able to do anything because I was recuperating…it’s surprising I haven’t gone insane.

Haha, perhaps I did. I know one thing. Yesterday I cared (slightly in principle) Tom was lying. Today I don’t care. The reason why people express their opinions? They care – and I’m lucky to have that. When people are quiet – that’s when they don’t care or don’t care enough to extend the effort to be vocal about it. I have to remember to be aware of the what is being said and listen to it, but not let it rule me.

I have to be me. If someone doesn’t like me, it’s up to them to leave not for me to change.

Remember that in your own lives, particularly if you want success. Success breeds criticism.