I was pointed to an article on ReadWriteWeb talking about the conversation moving away from blogs and being held on other sites:
The truth of the matter is, like it or not, the conversations that once existed solely in the blogosphere have now moved on. People still comment, but in a lot of cases, those comments aren’t on found on the blog itself. So the question is, has the conversation become diluted among all the different services and applications? Or is it just adding layers to the original topic? And most importantly, how can you keep up?
Yes, the conversations are moving away from blogs but the problem is the same problem that has always existed, one I warned about at least two years ago. How many times has a writer published an article, a larger site wrote about it, and the conversation took place every where but on the writer’s site? Same problem – the writer would have to keep up with those conversations. Now, the same root problem exists, but there are many more sites where the conversation can take place. The writer publishes the entry and now a discussion can happen on the originating blog, any blogs that write about it, any site that aggregates content (Reddit, Chawlk, Digg, StumbleUpon, etc.), Twitter, MySpace, Facebook, any of the social sites that are popping up, forums…the list is long.
The question is: does it matter to the writer if the conversation takes place in other places? If the answer is no, the writer would have one strategy. If the answer is yes, it does matter and the preference is for the conversation to take place on their blog, well, that would take a different strategy, wouldn’t it?
By golly, yes it would. Go figure.
The reason why the conversation goes on without the writer being involved (and this is going to hurt but it’s the truth) is because the commenter doesn’t really care about talking to the writer. The commenter cares about commenting on the article. Unless the writer has a direct connection with their audience, the hurdle of converting a reader to a commenter is tough enough. If the reader finds the article on another site, it is a tougher hurdle to get the reader to leave the site he or she is on (particularly if it is a favorite site), and convert that reader into a commenter on the original site the article was published on. To achieve that type of interaction a deeper connection than publishing articles and hoping someone reads them is required.
Last weekend I talked some smack to Bill Cammack, which led him to do a live stream. Bill’s live stream turned into a show featuring Liz Burr, TheJennTaFur, Darren Keith and I.
In this clip we are acting rather silly, but you’ll get my point in a minute. We talked for over an hour and we talked about a range of topics from the crane accident in New York to politics to relationships. We had a good time. I met three new people (Darren and Jenn in the stream) and a guy named Clarence who was using a Japanese phone so he couldn’t participate in the audio. This was a very spontaneous interaction.
After interacting with Darren and Jenn for over an hour, exchanging web site and Twitter information, if an article they wrote was on Digg, what are the odds that I would comment on Digg and not on their site? Or not talk to them about their article? Not mention to them “Hey, your article is on Digg, congrats!” or Twitter congrats on their article being on Digg (or any other social site)? My preference would be to talk to them, comment on their site, Twitter their stuff, etc. On the flip side, Clarence was only there for a minute and I had no interaction with him but to say hello. If I came across an article of his elsewhere and if I felt compelled enough to comment on it, I do not feel a priority to interact with him at all. Why should I? I’d drop my words where ever I was at the time. Of course, if I never interact with Jenn and Keith again my priorities would most likely change but if I keep in touch my priority would be different than someone I never interacted with.
For the longest time I’ve been telling this to people but the preference was to use 3rd party services because it was “the thing” instead of branding themselves and connecting to their readers. Essentially, it was like watching thousands of people walk into a brick wall. Watching them push themselves further away from the goal they expressed. I said, “Hey, you really might want to watch out who you let access personal information about you” and their response would be, “I don’t put anything online that I wouldn’t want everyone to know”, then I’d laugh to myself and try a different approach, “Hey 3rd party sites, how about implementing levels of privacy/friendship for users since (on average) most people do not think about how what they do today will impact them tomorrow?” It took two years, a lot of embarrassment and frustration for users on social sites to listen. I know, people didn’t care they linked to their boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse because it didn’t matter.
Until the breakup or divorce happens.
They also didn’t care about putting up those photos that got them fired or reprimanded.
Or saying something publicly that cost them the job/project/contract they wanted without realizing a potential client/employer saw something and misconstrued it because the words/pictures would have been better served if they remained private.
Imagine if all the time a writer spent placing 3rd party sites between themselves and their readers/users was spent forming a direct connection with their readers/users? Sure, one cannot stop conversations from going on elsewhere but there would be one happening on the writer’s site as well and the different conversations (in different niches, with different reader expectations) can give the writer different perspectives on their writing.
As a writer, how you interact with people matters and directly impacts how they interact with you.
Period.
End of story.
Nicely said Tyme. My friend has a blog and she wants people to comment on her site so she can make money from her blog. I’m sending her a link to your article because you good points.
I don’t blog but if I did, I would like people to talk on my site but I think people reading my site would mean more to me.
Finding out you’re in a relationship from Facebook is the worst! That happened to me twice. Go on a couple of dates and I became the boyfriend.
Phillipe, that’s funny.
Tyme, I read Digg and I see that happen daily. Digg has all the comments, the other site has zero.
Wasn’t funny for her when she had to remove it. Blasted it across her 400 something friends lol.
Tyme, I just looked at the video. Sounds like you guys had a great time.
I watched the video three times. I couldn’t help but laugh!
Valid point on how you would treat the people you talked to different versus the man that didn’t stay around. Your example made your entry make more sense.
Continue the pimpin!
The truth of the matter is, like it or not, the conversations that once existed solely in the blogosphere have now moved on.
That sounds like the blogosphere isn’t on the internet. All one big place that isn’t as big as I thought. I came across my elementary teacher the other day. She was looking for her past students to see what become of them. When she contacted me I thought about everything I’ve said online and was glad I don’t say much.
If the site is like TechCrunch that has bills to pay, that Mike dude needs to have more people on his site than others to pay the bills right? Is he using these sites like most people do? Doesn’t make sense that he would.
“Essentially, it was like watching thousands of people walk into a brick wall. Watching them push themselves further away from the goal they expressed.”
Sweetie, you can’t spot people from learning their lessons. All you can do is put the knowledge out there and let people make their choices. Some will listen, most will not.
Excellent and valid points, Tyme.
Being online enables us to get to know people we wouldn’t have met otherwise. I find it interesting how networks can be created through deeper contact between individuals, kind of like doing “electricity” while playing freeze-tag.
If… Instead of making tons of shallow contacts with people you seek out things in common, you may come to a point where you feel like your new friend is an excellent judge of character. That way, when he or she says “This other person I know online is legit”, you don’t have to go through the same process with them. You can take your friend’s word for it and roll from there. If you end up agreeing, your deeper network widens and you have even more of a base from which to make worthwhile acquaintances as opposed to, for instance, amassing twitter followers who really don’t know or care about you AT ALL because you never bothered to share with them.
That video clip that you posted was SUPPOSED to be a simple intro of who was there and then some sort of interesting discussion… However….. It was so IMPOSSIBLE to get through the intro, and it was so FUNNY that moving right into an actual discussion would merely have diluted the clip. That’s why I wrapped the show… resulting in ANOTHER round of laughter!
When we were actually talking though, it was cool, because we all knew each other or knew OF each other to some degree, meaning that through the “electricity” of each of us knowing someone else in the conversation, the people that arrived were interesting, intelligent and respectful of each other. Everyone got their chance to say what they were thinking about topics. Everyone got their chance to bring up topics.
So it worked the way I think Social Media SHOULD work, which is for me *not* to be a host of a show, but rather a facilitator of a *conversation* where everyone felt like they had a good time and left knowing more about the participants than they did before they arrived.
I meant: You cannot stop people from learning their lessons.
I thought about it some more and you are very maternal Tyme. Like a mother protects her children you try to protect strangers, which makes you so sweet. Imagine if you spent your time working with people who listened instead of trying to stop people from walking into walls?
“If
Were you using iChat and Skype? Surprising that worked. You guys/gals seem like you had a great time. Bill and Tyme bounce off of each other well, very evident in the video and this discussion. Tyme made her points and Bill brought in more points, explaining the video. Is that Liz laughing? She sounds so happy!
I looked at your video 4 times. I never would have guess anyone was meeting for the first time. Bill thinks quick and moves everyone along like a pro.
From the sound indicators it is Liz laughing. She does sound very happy. Darren very polite. JennTaFur sounds enthusiastic.
Much to consider here. Thank you for bringing up these points. All of you. Your video is funny. I couldn’t help but laugh with it.
Imagine if you spent your time working with people who listened instead of trying to stop people from walking into walls?
She would have taken over the world, Oprah style by now.
#11 – Clarence is a shallow contact. The others are quality contacts. Clarence can become a quality contact by talking with Tyme just like the other two could turn into shallow contacts by not staying in contact.
I think!
Thank you! Glad everyone is enjoying the article.
Yoshi you are correct in how shallow/quality contacts work. They can flip around, depends on how much effort is placed in them.
Yes, it was frustrating watching people take themselves further away from their goals and perhaps I am maternal but I’m learning to detach. Once I put it out there, if people like it they like it, if they don’t they don’t. Hopefully people will find use in what I say but I realize just like I had to walk into the wall in some areas so do other people.
In the video there was a delay until I figured out my volume controls. Once I had that down, I was cool but it was after this clip was taken. You can tell how long the delay was on my end in my response (between 9rules Triad and TymeSaid.com).
The video is a riot, thank you for sharing it.
We’re starting a new website at work. I’m going to send the project manager your link. I share sites with others when I feel I know the person behind the website. I trust them, have something in common with them. I’m commenting here because I enjoy reading Tyme. If I found the article on Digg, I would Digg it then talk about it on Tyme’s site.
Yeah that’s me being the Laugh Track in the background. I have a problem, ya’ll. Bill and Tyme don’t make it easy for me.
Tyme I just finished reading an article when I came across yours. It’s from Fred Wilson and he said his business is relationship intensive.
http://avc.blogs.com/a_vc/2008/03/working-on-vaca.html
A blogger writing for money and needs their readers to stay on their site would have a relationship intensive business correct?
Thank you for the link Kitty. I Clipped it on Chawlk.
Depending on the site, yes there are relationship intensive blogs and there can be multiple levels of relationships.
Allison, yes if one can do that accurately there is a lot of money in it. Being able to guide a business in the right direction is always an asset.
Isn’t Winer the one that created RSS?
Winer created RSS, was one of the ones responsible for blogging, he’s a forward thinking man like most leaders are. At several points be became frustrated and said he was going to stop blogging. I don’t agree with everything the man says but he was a leader. I think he wrote a lot of Mac software years ago too.
Tyme is always saying things ahead of the moment. Scrivs said last week’s podcast most of the time Tyme is right but the person she’s talking to isn’t ready to hear what she’s saying. When he says things like that it heightens my level of respect because he’s being real. Goes both ways because he tried to break some things down to her and it went right over her head lol.
I think Tyme’s problem is that she talks about business shit and most people aren’t on that level. Nor do they want to admit they aren’t on that level. Like a surgeon explain open-heart surgery, how many people could follow that? With Tyme’s training she’s supposed to spot things the average person wouldn’t see. I’m sure there are things Bill tells Tyme about videos she doesn’t understand or it doesn’t make sense at the time he’s saying it but she’ll shut up and absorb what he’s saying because he knows more than her on that topic. Or Mike with design. Scrivs with programming. How would Tyme look telling them what to do?
That’s what I think Tyme bumps into. People with their head in their ass and don’t realize it.
When I had a blog I didn’t think about strategy. My friends had one, I did what they did. I wanted to make money from it. I wrote entries and put ads up. I didn’t have a following, I didn’t make money, I stopped blogging. I look back and wonder what I was thinking but at the time it seemed like a cool easy way to make money.
If you think about it when we play games, any type of game, there has to be a strategy to win. A poor strategy might make you win against a weak player. Instead of realizing the player was weak I think the default for most people is to thing the poor strategy was better than it was.
I used to read Engadget and they were notorious for stealing a discussion. At the time I thought it was a trade off for the extra publicity but things changed. The same thing happens to Engadget at Digg too. As Barnaby pointed out sites that have bills to pay have to take things more seriously.
I was one that Tyme watched walk into a wall. I was fascinated with blogging about blogging. I asked Tyme about it and she said it would crap out, it was just a phase. I asked her why, she gave me solid reasoning. I told her that I could learn from watching them and it would help me with my own blog. In the end she said, “good luck, I will you well and hope it works out for you.” and she disappeared. I used to talk to her online all the time but she faded away and was gone.
I started my site and sent Tyme the link. She politely wished me luck. My blog failed because Tyme was right. Blogging about blogging was popular at the time and died out just like all the networks popping up faded out. I didn’t have anything to write about. I failed.
I sent her a text message and asked if she could get online. I talked to her and told her I failed. She said she was sorry to hear that. I don’t remember how it came up but I asked her why she disappeared but I knew why. I was determined to follow something that was dying out. I would have asked her questions that had no valid answers. If it was a hobby that I was fascinated with I would have been focused on something else for business, that makes sense. Instead I tried to work something that had no future into a business. Did it matter which blog network failed first? Did it matter the order in which they fell? Who lost advertisers first? Which advertiser pulled first? No, because no one cares about that. The ones that survived made their money and moved on before the bottom fell out.
“If
@Colleen (28): That’s a great self-assessment, and I think it will serve you well… QUICKLY!
In this context, I’m not using “shallow” to be an indictment of the person themselves, their character or their personality (or lack thereof). I mean, basically, people that you have this peripheral, tangential contact with, where nobody learns about anyone else except for maybe a name and a couple of web locations. It’s possible that with focus on and nurturing of that ‘relationship’, it COULD become deeper, but without that added attention it remains shallow.
I wrote about Friends, Acquaintances & Contacts last year, because they actually need a tiered system of assigning relationships to people. Like, on Twitter, I have ~500 “followers”. I’m following around the same number of people. Some of them are people that add anybody and everybody. Some of them I’ve had internet interactions with. Some of them are people I’ve met IRL. Some of them are people that I hang out and have food and drinks with and share great times…. There’s no distinguishing between these people, so I’m just as likely to see a post from a “shallow” contact as I am from an actual friend.
The term “friends” throws a lot of people off. It’s easy to get caught up in adding more and more “friends”, yet not knowing anything more about them or developing deeper relationships.
#27 – Tyme cuts through the bullshit and goes straight for the juggler. If she sees something is a dead end, while others are fascinated with how a company or trend is going to fail, Tyme has moved on to the next thing, making it very hard for the competition to catch up. You made a decision, she held you to it but you seemed to have learned from the experience. You are correct, once you know something is a dead end why stick around watching it die? Take the knowledge and do something with it. Be long gone and onto something else by the time it dies out.
Good luck with your future endeavors.
Monarch! Long time, no see! Where have you been?
Tyme is dangerous if one gets on the wrong side. Only the weak survive, right?
MONARCH!!!!!!! Don’t be a stranger!
Monarch!!!!! {{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}} I missed you! Tyme has been misbehaving
Misbehaving is a strong word, not cooperating is a better word lol.
Hey Monarch! Long time no see. Where have you been?
Such a warm welcome, thank you! Hugs back at ya! I’ve been in lurker mode. What is Tyme doing wrong?
Nothing….I swear!!
Monarch, sweetheart, lovely to see you around. Tyme isn’t cooperating. She keeps talking about blogging, business, very little sex/relationship talk Monarch.
Or life. We can deal with life. Give us a day, sex/relationship/love day. Friday would work.
Dude, that’s a good idea. One day a week for the fun shit. Friday. Or maybe Hump Day. Naw, Friday. How about it Tyme?
Monarch – XOXOXOXOXOXO
I agree, one day a week Tyme. Or even once every two weeks. In the meantime, I’ve been getting my fix from Bill’s site.
Excellent! Now that we’ve settled that minor article issues, what have you been up to Monarch? Life treating you well?
She’ll get back to it. She can’t help herself. It’s funny to watch. She slides right back to love and relationships. Did you hear Scrivs and Tyme on the podcasts? Start off talking about startups, end up talking about sex.
One article a week doesn’t sound demanding but I wouldn’t want to pull rank around here or anything.
I couldn’t believe it when I saw Monarch posting! I missed you!
I missed you guys too but I’ve been lurking. Aren’t you guys educated enough? You remember to wear a condom, ladies don’t give up the sex too quick, tongue goes in hole, take care of the pubic hair, the more sex the better (safe)…haven’t you guys learned all your lessons?
Ya’ll can stop now….on the real….
LMAO we remember!! Man laughing my ass off right now.
I remember, I took notes. Scrivs hasn’t been around lately either now that I think about it.
But what do you do once you put the tongue in the hole? Lol, great times, great memories. How are you m’lady? Good to see you around.
Didn’t I tell you Scrivs can’t hang?
Tyme isn’t doing video yet.
LMBAO I just got out of a boring meeting. This was perfect. Thank you darlin’. Ditto on the video.
Tyme is working on a secret project. It’s a video. I can’t say anymore than that but I think everyone will enjoy it. The project amuses me because it changed her. It will be done when it is done.
I hope you guys took notes otherwise you’re still having very boring sex.
And how you interact with your readers does matter!
I’m dying over here. Monarch love, best wishes to you. Do I still get a dance?
Does Tyme still go to the club? She rarely talks about that anymore.
Is the video project with Bill? He’s cool. And no, she doesn’t talk about shit anymore. What’s going on?
We’re laughing at work. You guys are too much. I’m looking forward to the video project.
Thanks for the scoop on the video. As you can see Tyme doesn’t tell us anything anymore. Bill is cool. Seems like he’s talented.
Scrivs did pretty good. It took a while for him to know what to expect from Tyme. She’s a very sexual person. She oozes sex.
Hi Monarch! I took your advice and it worked. Together over a year now. Love you!
Oh, hi Tyme!
Maybe you can revive Tyme2BSexy? Congratulations Jia!
I can’t divulge anymore details. Ya’ll know I want her to move so I can take over the house. Has she told you lately her bedroom takes up the entire front of the house? I want that room.
Tyme hasn’t begun to fully tap into her sexuality. Hope the next guy can hang.
Did Jia say, oh, hi Tyme? What am I, an after thought?
New rule, I get greeted on my site first. Geez….
I laughed out loud at work. Do you know how many men would give their left nut to be the next guy? She mentioned it in the podcast the other day and Scrivs was on it lol. Good news Jia.
Aaron, of course! Let’s make it a slow dance.
I have to get going, I’ve caused enough trouble. Enjoyed chatting with you guys and thank you for the warm welcome. Take care.
Oh, Tyme hasn’t reached 70 yet.
Peace.
Bye Monarch. Thanks for the laughs.
I stayed at work a little late so I could say goodbye. Hope to see you around soon Monarch.
Peace!
I noticed a difference from when she records during the day and late at night. Tyme’s voice is sexier, huskier at night. I bet she’s geared for business during the day. I can’t wait to see the video.
Guess Monarch proved how you interact with the audience matters. :=)
Monarch’s old ass only proved that she finally figured out how to turn on her computer.
I’m trying to build up the new sites we got going on so it’s hard to keep track of these discussions especially when Tyme has this wonderful ability to show me pages that work, but she comes up with her own errors (she knows what I’m talking about).
Now back to me not being able to hang. Monarch, stop being a punk and man up and say what Tyme’s video is or can you not hang? Your old ass has gotten soft since I last talked to you. Figures, the fire can’t last forever. Put the lady to bed.
For the rest of ya’ll suckers don’t start begging me to come back here and show you where the party is at because I won’t do it! I’m all grown up now and don’t do that party shit no more. Instead I read the dictionary.
Let’s see who else we got around here: Phillipe, Felix and Felicia. Long time no talk. Felix and Felicia did ya’ll hook up yet? Phillipe you still messing with those offensive lineman sized women? Be honest now people.
@Cedric: You’ll find that happens in a lot of people. A different beast comes out at night.
Is that Scrivs? THE Scrivs?
And for everyone who was asking where I’ve been, we do streamcasts and drinkcasts so let me ask WHERE YOU BEEN?
@Justine: Yeah it’s me. What’s up sexy?
Hi Scrivs! What sites are you working on? What did Tyme do?
I do have to agree with Monarch on something and that is why you grown ass folks still need sex advice from Tyme? Download a bittorrent app, type in some sexual keywords and lock yourself up for a week. You will come out a better person.
Well of course we got the new 9rules and Chawlk coming out shortly and beyond that just about XX more sites. First I gotta focus on the 9r and Chawlk then you will see some really cool things happening (or at least they are cool to us).
As for what Tyme did I’ll leave that story for her to tell.
Sup man. Long time. I saw one of the live things. Tyme was messed up!
She wasn’t talking straight, laughing. Slightly wasted.
Yeah remember all that talk she would do about not getting messed up? Well that was proven false…MULTIPLE times. And you should change your name. Girls don’t like the nice guy. They want a man who ain’t scared to sling the whip if you catch my drift. To keep up with your initials I propose The Neverending Guy.
I’m about to leave work. I thought you were on hiatus, taking a break from the internet. Glad you are back.
Or The Neverending Gyrocoptor.
Taking a break from the Internet? I’ve been in more places than ever before. If anything this might be the only place you haven’t seen me at. Hmmm…need to market my body better I think.
Hey, that doesn’t mean I’m not paying attention…don’t try to twist the context!
@Scrivs – I like the effect it has on Tyme. When will Chawlk be done?
Besides like everyone said when you gonna write about something interesting?
*runs
You weren’t paying attention. You weren’t here. Don’t even try it.
@Cedric: I’d say we are about 2 weeks away and hopefully that includes finishing up the new 9rules design then we can move forward with our bigger plans.
I did. You missed it. Not being here and all.
I certainly was paying attention. I know when you write new shit and I read it, I just lead you to believe I don’t so you don’t get nervous. Like you say, they come to read you not me…wait nevermind. These people want to read me on your site. NOW that’s some fucked up shit.
And for the people who have no clue what is going, yes Tyme and I are on IM so no idea why there is a conversation going on in the comments.
I see it, but I don’t believe it. Scrivs? At Tyme Said? Surprise, surprise. Monarch one day, Scrivs the next.
No, we never did.
Nervous? Because of you? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
You’ve GOT to be kidding me.
@Felix: Sorry to hear that man, maybe I should’ve let you get the first piece. Figured she wouldn’t go to anyone else after that. I owe you one mate.
Welcome to ScrivsSaid.com. Thanks for hosting my site Tyme.
This is the only site I know of where fun shit happens in the comments.
TheNiceGuy – didn’t you know nice guys finish last?
When ST died, we lost track of each other. Tyme didn’t have comments open. It was months before I talked to the Tyme peeps.
Only temporarily. You’ll get a new shiny new toy and skip off to play with it.
Sorry about that Felix. You are right.
I’m grown, I don’t need shiny toys.
@Felix: Yeah that sucks, I’ll take the blame then. I definitely owe ya.
True dat, I didn’t have any of your emails, IM or anything. I expected ST to be there. My favorite online spot.
@Rashid: You can’t come in here dispensing advice to strangers, you gotta earn that right kid. TNG should only listen to me as I have his best interests at heart. Now where was I…
As for the original discussion I have this to say:
Comments.
Are you all grown up now? For real? Congrats!
You see how she treats me, no damn respect. Tyme, it really does matter how you interact with your readers.
With that said I’m out! Till next great Tyme White entry everyone!
I remember when I tried to get ScrivsTyme and the site redirected. I thought it was broken. I went to 9rules looking for it. I didn’t realize how much I enjoyed the podcast until it abruptly stopped.
Catch you later Scrivs.
Rashid, the comments is where it’s AT. I did a paper on the Tyme and Scrivs Dynamic. I got an A on it too! Very unique. I’ve been reading Bill’s Dating Genius too. Great dynamic there too. I enjoy reading and chatting with you all.
Shit, hi Scrivs. Sorry I missed you. I saw one of the live shows but Tyme was serious, Mike was hilarious, and you were coasting with your coolness.
The comments on this site are the best on the net.
Scrivs, is the big picture on Chawlk going to stay? I like the site but that picture doesn’t fit to me.
I read a couple of DatingGeniuses a day. There are a lot of articles over there. I will not stop until I’ve read them all. There is so much stuff men do that I never thought of. Never thought of.
I got disgusted with myself and forgot to say Hi Scrivs. I enjoyed reading your comments. Take care.
For those reading DatingGenius, ya’ll lucked out. Bill just recently changed his site around so you CAN view them all there LOL. They were in other spots on the net.
I enjoy listening to Scrivs’ points on dating. He was honest and shared part of himself. I have much respect for him doing that and I miss those conversations because I learned a lot about the people in my life and myself.
Scrivs: next time I hope I don’t miss you. Have a fun and safe weekend.
AskMen, Dating Genius all of the advice sites advise what a person should do. Scrivs shared what he did, the mistakes and the times it worked out. Oreo Ceo was brutally honest and I enjoyed the few rants Tyme did on his site.
I didn’t think of that before but you make a good point Rashid and Monica. I did not think about the different approach but I enjoyed and learned from what Scrivs said.
@Peggy (41): hehe Thanks for reading.
@Angelina (112): Same to you.
@Leslie Moore (114): hahaha Thanks. Such diligence!
That’s really what it’s all about. Yeah, I write some of it to get laughs at how aghast people are going to be whiile reading it, 
but really, there are some very basic, yet crucial differences between the way women (in general) and men (in general) think, and too many women miss the boat entirely and have no clue what happened to them in their relationships.
I was just telling Tyme about what an incredible *mistake* it is for guys to be friends with girls they actually want to go out with / mess with. Guys think that “boyfriend” is an extension of “friend”, when in fact, they’re two entirely different tracks. That’s why guys call sex “getting lucky”.
@Monica (117) & Rashid (118): Yes, that’s not my style, sharing personal stories. Props to Scrivs for that style, though I haven’t read his material yet.
My material’s derived from things that have happened to me or to friends of mine “in the trenches”. Personally, my ‘success’ is based on either a) The luck of the draw, b) A gift from God or c) Good genes and upbringing. Even if it were my style to share personal stories, they wouldn’t do anybody any good, because they only work for me.
Also, by not putting people’s business in the street, I’m known for being trustworthy, which gets me access to more women’s HONEST thoughts and becomes more and more data for my styles and techniques.
So, yes, I definitely give credit to people who share personally.
Trying to be the friend never works. She’s getting her cake and eating it too. Bill, how would you handle sharing personally if you were Tyme? Scrivs voluntarily shared his thoughts and to a degree Tyme does too but her private live was disclosed by people who knew her. I worry about that happening to me with these sites wanting us to make friends and share our friends.
@Big Daddy (122): I haven’t read either Tyme’s or Scrivs’ personal sharing posts, so I wouldn’t know at this time IF there’s anything I would do differently if that were my style.
I would say, in general, for anyone that wants to share personal stories, make sure they’re vague enough that people don’t read about themselves on your site. Like, don’t say “So, on Labor Day, I was hanging with this chick and we…” when there are entries on your site that tell who you were hanging with on Labor Day. Also, changing small details works wonders. If she had a husband, say she had a boyfriend, or that she was single if your story is still useful in the context of interacting with a single female.
Make sure you leave out physical descriptions, such as hair color, so people don’t speculate about the red-headed females they’ve seen you with.
The problem here is that I suspect that some people share personally SPECIFICALLY TO put their business in the street, like it’s their version of self-therapy or getting over a situation. Still, in that case, I think it’s important to draw the line between YOUR business and HER business. Speaking of business… Here’s what I had to say on the topic almost exactly one year ago, March 31, 2007:
Actually, I violated my own rule one time, and I’ve been paying for it since then hahaha. I wrote a post about this chick that was happy that she went on a date, and the guy took her to a book store, because I thought she wasn’t in my circle of friends. It turned out that she was a recurring character, but only shows up sporadically. EVERY.SINGLE.TIME I’ve run into her since then, she’s made a point of telling whomever she brought with her (including one time, her current boyfriend, who was the guy that TOOK her to the book store) that I’M the guy that wrote that post. :/ So that’s my own personal Greek Tragedy right thurrr.
So, I guess, in general, my advice would be to make sure that sharing personal information is therapeutic to YOU without trespassing on HER privacy.
Hi Scrivs! You never disappoint making me laugh.
Bill, that’s a funny story. I too fear my friends, family, boyfriends and co-workers meshing together on one of those sites. My friends put all their business on Facebook and MySpace. I think they are going to pay for it eventually.
I remember that podcast when Scrivs said he was the cool kid wearing his hat to the side distracted by shiny toys, about his attention span. Dam, how long ago was that and I still remember! I spent hours laughing to you two.
Bill good advice. Little details can give it away.
I tried to dodge giving the number. She said I had something to hide. Always turns into arguments. I make up a number for casual dates but I am honest with a girl I am serious about.
NOOOOO!!! SCRIVS!!! I don’t believe I missed you. MUAH I still have the video you made for me.
I remember the shiny toy episode. Tyme would say “shiny toy!” when she was trying to get out of some shit and change the subject. Tyme, it still doesn’t work!
Scrivs had you today!
I love you two and the projects you do. I learned many lessons from you both and I am so happy that after all this time you two still laugh and joke around. You two survived and you have new sites coming out. Wonder what that other blog network is doing.
Bill, I always ask the number and I don’t like it if he avoids the question. You don’t think with AIDS the past is relevant?
I came back to just say hi to my fourth baby mama Felicia. As for our future projects consider 2004-07 a warmup and learning experience.
@Bill:There are ways to give out the personal without ruining the personal. You will learn young one, you will learn.
Welcome to ScrivsSaid.com. Thanks for hosting my site Tyme.
I read it and laughed. Scrivs took over. Tyme your site is like Facebook, you could put in an instant message program.
@Felicia (127): Excellent question.
The past is *completely* irrelevant.
Think about it… How many times would you have to mess with someone to potentially catch something?
That’s right… *Once*
So… It’s all the same TO YOU whether the person you’re messing with in the present messed with 80 chicks or 1. They’re either clean or they’re not. 0 or 1. No other options.
So the question goes back to you… Would you rather hook up with someone who’s “been around” and is currently clean? or someoene who messed with like one chick evAr and is currently dirty?
What’s relevant TO YOU is THE PRESENT.
Are they clean NOW? and are they messing with other people NOW that might cause them to *become* dirty while you’re still messing with them.
As far as you asking questions and not liking question-avoidance….
That’s what *LIES* are for.
I use the number as a guide to tell the odds if he is clean or not. I would love to know how many woman a man is messing with CURRENTLY but guys will lie about that.
Any tips on how to get a man to tell the truth about how many women he’s messing with currently? I wouldn’t care about the past if I he is being honest about the present.
Very good points in your article. Thought provoking ones. Like:
Excellent article for the point that I am just seeing this now after speaking to you on Sunday. I enjoyed the conversation as always.
One problem I know with originating writers if they are not told of how their articles are being discussed in other forums then they never know. It takes the initiative of one to tell the originator, “hey, did you know that you are being talked about here and here?”
I always try to bring truth to whatever is said in all the discussions that I have online so if I see that the originator’s intent of an article is not being discussed as intended I may or may not chime in.
I know this is how I have established relationships with many people online but then I cannot always follow up with everything but if I do think it is important then I will chime in.
Thanks for the love as always!
[[Tyme]]