I wrote about this topic previously in A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime. People come into our lives for different reasons. The internet is a wonderful tool to meet new people. I met some of my best friends online. Perhaps because internet sites tend to call people “friends” people slide into the notion that the people you interact with are “really” your friends, potential boyfriend/girlfriend, business partner, etc. The “relationship” lines become blurred for some people. Let’s discuss it.

Friends…are we really?

As I said I met a lot of people online and some of my closest friends (I don’t have many) I met online. Two people who follow each other aren’t friends. Two people who chat aren’t friends. They are acquaintances. You aren’t friends until you’ve been through situations together and survived.

I met Bill Cammack online over a year ago. I can say he’s a good friend. We talk online but we talk via other methods as well. More important than that we “grow” in the same direction. We have similar interests. I taught him some things. He taught me some things. We have a blast learning things together and we have each others backs. We have differences of opinion but that ends up working well because seeing things from different perspectives “works”. The fact that we chat doesn’t make us friends, our consistent actions does.

Most online interactions do not end up like that. You can chat with someone everyday and not be their friend. You work with people and talk to them everyday but do you consider all your co-workers your friends? Of course not. It’s the same thing.

Drunks….

I receive drunk sexual advances all the time. I usually get this more Friday-Monday than the rest of the week. I understand people get lonely some times and when I see this happen, I don’t respond. I certainly don’t engage them in behavior they don’t do when they are sober.

See, to me it boils down to trust, morals, ethics. Trust is very important to me. That’s how you know your true friends (or good people): when you are vulnerable they won’t take advantage of it.

I had that happen to me. A guy called me drunk, I didn’t realize he was drunk (he sounded like he always did) and some things were said (non-sexual). The next day when I realized he was drunk, I backed up. It was like it never happened. I didn’t mention it. If I had known was drunk I would have talked about sports or something. And he knows this…he can trust that I won’t take advantage of him.

That’s the reputation I want to have. There is a difference between your significant other or someone you are dating reaching out to you intoxicated and what essentially is a stranger. Some people can get sexual with people they don’t really know. I’m not one of those people. I won’t let just anyone get a piece of me.

If you are one to engage in this type of behavior see it for what it is. Once you’ve gone sexual with someone deep down the person will probably want you to run off and play elsewhere (in other words leave them alone). Especially if he/she was drunk when he/she approached you. Catch the “go away” hint early. Don’t be one of those pathetic people that try to make something more than what it was.

Drunks…Part 2

This happens A LOT on Twitter. People get drunk and say a bunch of things (non-sexual) that they don’t mean. They are going to start a business. Throw out business ideas. Spill their guts about their lives. Threaten suicide. Threaten their exes. Beg their exes to take them back. A large range of actions. Some of them are really scary, especially those threatening suicide. It can be hard to watch someone in so much pain and not be able to do anything about it.

If you reach out to someone when they are vulnerable remember that doesn’t make you buddies. The person doesn’t owe you anything because you were kind. If you “started” a partnership based on ideas discussed while intoxicated, don’t expect that to pan out because you started a business venture with no foundation. Don’t make it more than it was.

In the end…

Everything you do and say online speaks for who you are as a person. It’s a dot one can connect when determining what you stand for. Are you the poor business person? Are you the hothead that never thinks before acting? Are you the whore that has sexual interactions with strangers? Are you the ultra efficient blogger? Are you the hypocrite where your actions don’t match your words? Are you trustworthy? Are you honest? Are you loyal? Are you pushy? Ignorant? Dominating? Unrealistic? Funny? Fake? Kind-hearted? The comic that isn’t funny?

What do your actions REALLY say about you?