Honestly, start with the last article

It would be wise to avoid people with the traits in the last article:

• Unable to make a deadline
• Does not work consistently
• Lacking in communication skills
• Untrustworthy
• Lacks relationships skills

No one is perfect so don’t try to hold people to impossible standards. However, if you know someone does not make deadlines your business will suffer because you will be spending time and energy trying to get that person to change. If you don’t know if a person consistently makes deadlines, you should find out.

One common method used to try to get around the deadline problem is not giving the person a deadline. Billy will tell George something like, “I’m not in a rush so whenever you have a chance…” and George will say, “Yeah, cool, I’m on it!” What ends up happening? George still doesn’t come through because he “really” didn’t want to do it in the first place. People who don’t make deadlines usually have two other traits: lack of discipline which causes the inability to make deadlines which causes inconsistency in working on their own, and they avoid confrontation. You see where this is going right? Because George makes promises he is unable to keep (by choice), Billy can’t trust what he says. That’s why George says yes when his actions says no. George “could” make those deadlines, could communicate, could step up…he opts not to.

Find someone else.

Bad marriages = more headaches

Let’s talk about this a minute. When you into a business relationship with someone it is like a marriage and together, the team is creating a child – the business. A business can be as demanding (and expensive) as a child. There might be times when work comes in the way of holidays or long hours are necessary. It’s part of starting a business. Doing it right means hard work.

Your perspective business partners need to have spouses that understand and support this. If the spouse doesn’t support this, then that person is not quality partnership material. I can hear you saying, “Tyme, their marriage is none of my business!” and to that, I say…bull. I strongly suggest meeting with both of them to make sure everyone is on the same page as far as expectations and goals.

What you want to avoid is Danny’s wife’s feelings/needs/desires/goals injecting their way into your business. You aren’t in business with Danny’s wife; you are in business with Danny. It is up to Danny to balance both aspects of his life properly. Family is important, don’t get me wrong, but let’s be clear here. If Danny worked for someone else, if Danny’s wife had problems with his job there are two options: deal with it or quit. When it comes to partnerships often, a third option is presented: tell my partners and make my problems theirs. The third option is unprofessional and unfair. If Danny’s wife feels their family needs more money, get a job or Danny should quit. The partners should not be drawn into trying to make more money so Danny’s wife will be happy. If the other partners are working overtime or making financial contributions the partners shouldn’t have to hear from Danny, “My wife said we have to go to X” or “My wife said I can’t spend the money on that until we achieve X goal”.

Luckily, the age of social media makes it easier to spot bad marriages if you open your eyes. Don’t jump to conclusions but people who are happily married show it (especially if they are the geeky type). You’ll also get hints if you meet them both, which I strongly suggest. Remember, entering a business partnership is easy. Getting out – not so much.

A person in an unhappy marriage is not going to get the long-term support they need from their spouse.

The spouse doesn’t like you

You would not believe how often I deal with the issue above and this one: Danny’s spouse doesn’t like Billy. Or just as bad: Billy’s spouse doesn’t like Billy’s business partner Amanda. If you’re paying attention, you’ll realize that the issue above leads to the spouse not liking the business partners. People happy and secure in their marriage will be supportive of the venture (if it is not too risky of course). People in insecure unhappy marriages will either say yes to appease the spouse and flip the switch later or blatantly say no and the spouse enters the partnership anyway.

If the spouse doesn’t like Billy she will begin to work against Billy’s efforts. Danny’s spouse will put him in a position of picking the business or her. It’s ridiculously immature but that is what happens. There are only two cures for this situation:

• Danny gets rid of his wife.
• Billy gets rid of Danny.

It’s just best to let Danny go or not bring him on board in the first place.

Let’s put this in perspective. An example…

Ken and Dale are business partners. They create software. Ken is the programmer and Dale handles the business management responsibilities. Dale has some programming experience but his strength is in business and marketing. Ken and Dale set the deadline of August 18 for the first iteration to be complete. On August 16, Ken tells Dale he is on target. On August 18, the deadline is missed. Dales asks when Ken will be done. Ken says August 26 for sure. Ken forgot that his wife’s birthday is on the 22nd and she made plans for them to go out of town, cutting into his programming time. Ken figures he’ll still make the deadline, but he doesn’t because when he gets online, he starts surfing the web and talking on GTalk and Twitter. Dale is starting to get upset because their marketing plans depend on the final product being done on time and the first iteration isn’t done yet, let alone beta testing. To make the deadline, Dale decides to put on his programming shoes and looks at the code, which Ken did not want to give up. Dale, looking at the code, begins to realize how far behind they are. He calls Ken, but ends up talking briefly to the wife, who sent Ken on an errand because this week is “Work Around the House” week. Ken promised to do these chores and never finished them because he’s been programming all day but not making enough money for the effort. She’s not pleased (okay, she’s pissed) because that was not the way Ken said things would be. Dale, knowing Ken lied and they aren’t making money because Ken missed the deadlines, says nothing. Do you think Ken and Dale make good business partners?

I know, this won’t happen to you right? I deal with a mix of these issues with my clients all the time (last week actually) and rarely can I fix them without removing the offending person from the equation. Why? The person needs to make serious change in their life. For change to be successful it takes time, patience, serious dedication and the support of all of those involved. Notice the problems are personal ones that will end up bleeding into the business. People do change…most don’t and you can spot those easily. Recognize and encourage those who are changing to continue to do so because it is rare.

How do you avoid these issues?

Skill is only one component to having a strong business team. Finding the right people and placing them in the areas where they are strong helps build the foundation needed to build a healthy business. Don’t enter into business foolishly. Take the time to get to know your business partners, whom you cannot fire like employees if it is the wrong fit. Use the tools available to you to find the right people.

Social media is a wonderful tool to get to “really” know people because people expose more about themselves than they realize. Why? Because they don’t think of the long-term outcomes of what they say online. Embrace Twitter, Facebook, text and video programs, etc. as a way to interact and get to know the people you are entering into business with. If they are not sharing their lives or thoughts online, go meet them a couple of times.

A good example…

I’ve talked about “bad” examples. Let’s look at two people I think have the traits of a good business partner. If Billy wanted to make videos or music, the vlog brothers are a good example of the traits needed.

• They consistently make videos.
• They consistently make the deadlines they set for their videos.
• They interact well with their community.
• They are happily married and balance their spouse’s wants/needs with their own. Note one wife stays out of the camera, the other embraces it but both are supportive (for example).
• They communicate well and when things go wrong, quickly rectify the situation.
• They seem trustworthy because of the items listed above.

They aren’t perfect, people don’t always agree with them, but they have the skill and the discipline to get the job done. These are the types of people you want on your team. Of course, that doesn’t mean team dynamics are easy with the right people. Tomorrow we’ll talk about that.

Written by: Tyme White | Follow Tyme on Twitter | Be Friends on Facebook

met⋅a⋅phor: a figure of speech in which a term or phrase is applied to something to which it is not literally applicable in order to suggest a resemblance, as in “A mighty fortress is our God.”Dictionary.com

Do you remember having to analyze what the author really meant in their book? I remember wondering why the author did not directly say what he or she meant. It would make life much easier and I do not agree with the concept that metaphors and symbolism make a book better. I did not mind writing in English class but I did not like reading something and having to guess what the author meant.

Of course, this behavior did not stop in school. It continued in college with Critical Thinking classes.

Critical thinking is assumed to be the purposeful and reflective judgment about what to believe or what to do in response to observations, experience, verbal or written expressions, or arguments. Wikipeda

Ironically, I did well in my Critical Thinking classes because, to me, it was more common sense. Give me a set of problems and I can determine what the root problem is and how to fix it. My classmates did not do as well as I did. In college, we had a lot of team interaction and I carried my team in Critical Thinking classes. The problem they normally bumped into was seeing immediate surface problems without determining the root issue, which means the problem is unresolved. Example situation: video games where a boss will spawn adds (other monsters to kill). I realized killing the boss would remove the monsters the boss created/summoned. Some of my teammates would get lost in killing the spawns. Without killing the boss, the spawns would keep attacking, endlessly.

And that is how NanoWrimo caused me to see The Great Divide in relationships.

The Problem

Guy meets girl. Guy likes girl. Guy does not know if girl likes guy. Guy asks, “So…are you dating anyone”? Do you see the metaphor? When the guy asked the girl if she was dating anyone he was really wondering if she would date him. If the girl is interested in the guy, unless she realizes what he really meant, she could unintentionally detour the interaction down the wrong path with her response. Especially since the only two answers the guy wants to hear is that she is not dating anyone and she’d like to date him. Of course, she may not say she’s interested in dating him because her critical thinking skills are not sharp, making her unsure as to the root reason of him asking the question.

And yes, we cannot forget the guy that receives the golden answer: “No, I’m not seeing anyone. Would you like to go out sometimes?” and has the knee-jerk reaction of, “Oh, I wasn’t interested in dating. I was just curious”, causing him to regret that response endless for the near future.

Unfortunately, the metaphor and symbolism use can escalate with time. For some people, the more vulnerable some people become, the more they hide behind words. Ever had the argument that started because of X but was really about Y, something you did three weeks ago? Recovering from cheating is another example. Often the cheater is accused of cheating when he or she is innocent of the crime. Worse, the person will go into over-drive trying to make up for the pain they caused, clouding the real drive for their actions: guilt vs. wanting to be with the person. A person attempting to forgive the cheating would have be objective (and awesome) along with using accurate critical thinking skills to guilt as the root behavior. Even if the person realized the root behavior, it is a big step to accept it.

The Solution

Keep metaphors and symbolism in literature where they belong. When it comes to interacting with people, say what you mean, mean what you say or don’t say it.

Honestly, it is that simple. Unfortunately, simple does not always mean easy.

Written by: Tyme White | Follow Tyme on Twitter | Be Friends on Facebook

An example, in my last article I said: “If you notice I still disagree with Bill but I didn’t comment again over there. Next week I’ll explain why….”. It’s next week and I don’t feel like talking about that anymore. I turned comments off on the article because I was tired of talking about it then. Then guilt set in. I said I was going to write about it, I should write about it, but I’m not feeling the topic anymore. At all. I opted not to write it because I’m not a fan of putting up “something” just for the sake of putting something up.

This is an interesting dilemma for me because I can pre-write articles and when it comes time to publish them, I have no enthusiasm on the topic anymore. Looking at this in-depth (it’s 2009, the year to face the truth!) I realized it’s not the topic per se…

It’s the talking. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Once I write it most times (at least lately) I don’t have anything else I want to say. However, if I publish the article and leave comments open, I need to monitor and respond to comments…about a topic I don’t have any interest in talking about anymore. On top of talking about it in comments I also talk to those who contact me via email, AIM (instant messenger), text message, phone, Skype, etc.

This begs the question: is it that I’m “really” not into the topic in the first place? Am I becoming anti-social? Or is it as simple that once I write an article I’m ready to move on to the next thing?

Yeah, that’s it. The last one.

Yes, I “could” keep comments open and not respond but I detest that. Why start a conversation if the writer intends for it to only be a one-way conversation? What I might do is have one “big” topic and keep comments open on that. I’m still figuring it out.

Feel free to keep emailing, texting, AIMing, etc. I don’t feel a drain in those areas at all. Just when I go to publish an article. Interesting, eh?

My point…don’t be afraid to do what is best for you on your site. The social media people will tell you that you must keep comments open because (insertstupidassanswerhere). In the end, you should do what you feel comfortable doing. Make it easy for people to contact you so they don’t feel the only option is via comments.

1) Many of the active people in comments weren’t around so comments would be light.
2) From what I can tell most the people that comment on my site don’t use Twitter.

Writing the article, I knew, would be an unpopular move (in terms of interaction) but I felt the need to express myself on the topic so I did it anyway. My core audience is the average, normal everyday non-geek person (mainstream-ish audience). Twitter has almost no appeal, Facebook is for friends only (people they know), they have no desire to try every new application that comes on the web. Matter of fact, their internet time is limited because they spend more time living their lives offline that interacting online. I’m lucky, I have the opportunity to find out things about my audience one on one.

Most people with sites aren’t that lucky. They are writing in the dark hoping to find people who connect with their content. That is where I think they fall into the pitfall of over-caring about traffic. People start blogs in hopes someone reads them, they check their stats to see if anyone is reading, then get trapped in being focused on the stats.

And unfortunately begin to care very little about the readers themselves.

You see this all the time. “I’ll do what I want, how I want, when I want but oh yeah, let me check those stats!”. When I see this I wonder how they expect to get traffic without understanding their audience? But tell me this: if you go to a restaurant and they don’t have what you want, do you stay? If the dealership doesn’t have the car you want do you look elsewhere? If the boy/girl you like doesn’t have the traits you’re interested in, do you make him/her your boy/girlfriend?

No.

Then why, while you’re doing what you want, when you want, how you want (with no knowledge about what YOUR readers want) should any reader stay on your site? What have you done for them lately?

And there you have, in a nutshell, why social sites are popular. Easy to gain followers with little to no effort.

What does the business plan say?

Does their business plans formulate how to effectively integrate third party services into their business model to ensure the maximum benefit is received? Does monitoring Twitter or Facebook outweigh holding a video chat and interacting with the viewers? What is the goal of using Twitter? If one accumulates thousands of followers on Twitter, then what? If there are more followers on third party sites than the main site is that a detriment to the business?

An average user of the service, a business owner wondering if there could be a gain from using the site or someone who “really” wants to create traffic to their blog from their followers from Twitter…these people all have different goals, different interests and could require different approaches to achieve their goals.

For business owners, it directly goes back to the business plan and that is the problem with the economy. People with no business knowledge are doing business and not attempting to enhance their business knowledge. Instead of thinking “this is a cool idea!” how about thinking it through first and realize the strengths and weaknesses in the idea? Is the time of the CEO (or other high level officer) best spent interacting on a third party site instead of building the company site or doing other officer related activities? If investors are involved can the time spent be realistically justified?

Those are the real questions. Maybe one day they’ll get around to answering them.

I used to do podcasts all the time, weekly actually, on different topics. People heard me laughing or heard the tone of my voice in the podcasts and, when reading similar words, knew the tone in which I was speaking regardless of how it seemed. The connection or bond formed is different because of the different communication methods. An IM conversation will be different than an email, a voice chat, or a video chat. All of those will be different than me talking to you late at night chilling with a drink on the phone. I used to have more interaction with those that follow what I do.

On a fluke I took 100 random email addresses (5 sets of 20 straight from the database) from comments made on my blog within the past 2 years and sent out a quick email asking their interest in audio and video. So far I’ve received 56 responses varying from yes to detailed suggestions on what they would like in the audio/video. I asked some people on IM their thoughts as well. I have not received a “no” yet but I was chastised for stopping the podcasts and for taking so long to bring them back. Ironically, this couldn’t have happened at a better time because I’m in the process of changing things around with my sites. Having their feedback on what they want helps me fill the void in what they want verses what I was going to do.

Communication is important and in the social environment of the internet how one opts to communicate can make a big difference. I notice many people are misunderstood on Twitter trying to cram their thoughts in 140 characters. People in general are enjoying deeper forms of communication like video in comments, sites like Seesmic where people talk to one another via video or the SuperStreams we do where we interact with our users. If we could get audio and video with users on that it would be crazy bandwidth spent but loads of fun.

You also end those types of interactions knowing more about the person you were interacting with. I learned things about the people watching the streams that never ever would have come out on their blogs or in an IM conversation.

That’s the beauty of different forms of communication – different “results” based on the method of communication used.

*Quote in the title is by Anne Morrow Lindbergh*

Because he had obvious problems with his plan. Obvious to me, that is.

Unfortunately, the powers that be didn’t give a damn about my prayers because he asked me what I thought. For a second I thought about lying but opted to go with honesty and I told him the truth: the way he explained his plans he had unrealistic goals that could not be accomplished. Let me be very clear: I told him he couldn’t do it the way he was talking about doing it.

Then I waited it for it…the ego kicking in. Me, having the audacity to tell him that he couldn’t do something. Yeah yeah, blah blah.

This time I was pleasantly surprised.

Him: Hmmm…you brought up some points I was unaware of. How would you suggest I proceed? Do you think I should just stop or with a new plan I can be reasonably successful?
Me: Huh? (my friends were dumb-founded as well)
Him: I’m going to have to research more. What if you are right? It’s to my benefit to have a better plan. I have nothing to lose having a more solid plan.
Me: (I was thinking, “Ok, where are the cameras?” and I started scanning the room for them while he spoke.
Him: I want to do this and I expect it will be hard work. Two heads are better than one and you have more business experience than I do. I’m sure, if you are willing of course, we could come up with a better plan than I had.

This man went from being a guy I wouldn’t look twice at to being the sexiest man on the planet at that moment. Not because he said I’m da bomb or anything like that. He thinks smart. He basically said the risk of me being right was too great to ignore, so why not plan for it?

Twenty minutes talking back and forth he was smiling like a Cheshire cat because he found a couple of other things he didn’t mention and had not thought of and made note to better plan for those things. The conversation started with a weak plan, turned into “you can’t do it that way” but ended up with a more solid business approach.

I know he wasn’t trying to gain my respect but he got it. I love to see someone enthusiastic about what they are doing but I also love to see people acknowledge new ideas – at least have an open mind about them (I learn from people daily because no one knows everything). He admitted that, due to his lack of business knowledge, he would have tanked because he was missing some very clear issues. The truth, that is what way it should be. Many people decide they want to start a commercial venture (ie: make money from it) but have zero business experience. And expect that to work. Unfortunately with the barrier to entry being low on the internet, there are tons of internet businesses that fail each year. How many people have these skills – the ones needed to thrive and sustain a business?

The ability to budget.
The ability to complete projects on time.
The ability to plan projects efficiently.
The ability to read financial statements.

Negotiate. Control. Monetize. Communicate. Co-ordinate. Interact. Advise. Prioritize. Organize. Manage. Lead. Inspire.

AND have the skills needed to make, create or implement the product or service he or she is interested in?

Most don’t, and they don’t have the money to get the people they need. The venture fails.

When I express my thoughts I express them with facts. I’m not the person to disagree and state a weak-ass argument with an opinion like, “Because I think you should”. I’m going to tell you point by point why I pick one approach over the other. Pros and cons, strengths and weaknesses.

The gentleman last night opened his mind and accepted the negative criticism for what it was, and turned negatives into positives. If you are a person that doesn’t do that naturally, on the real, perhaps your attention would be served anywhere else than trying to be an entrepreneur.

The truth of the matter is, like it or not, the conversations that once existed solely in the blogosphere have now moved on. People still comment, but in a lot of cases, those comments aren’t on found on the blog itself. So the question is, has the conversation become diluted among all the different services and applications? Or is it just adding layers to the original topic? And most importantly, how can you keep up?

Yes, the conversations are moving away from blogs but the problem is the same problem that has always existed, one I warned about at least two years ago. How many times has a writer published an article, a larger site wrote about it, and the conversation took place every where but on the writer’s site? Same problem – the writer would have to keep up with those conversations. Now, the same root problem exists, but there are many more sites where the conversation can take place. The writer publishes the entry and now a discussion can happen on the originating blog, any blogs that write about it, any site that aggregates content (Reddit, Chawlk, Digg, StumbleUpon, etc.), Twitter, MySpace, Facebook, any of the social sites that are popping up, forums…the list is long.

The question is: does it matter to the writer if the conversation takes place in other places? If the answer is no, the writer would have one strategy. If the answer is yes, it does matter and the preference is for the conversation to take place on their blog, well, that would take a different strategy, wouldn’t it?

By golly, yes it would. Go figure.

The reason why the conversation goes on without the writer being involved (and this is going to hurt but it’s the truth) is because the commenter doesn’t really care about talking to the writer. The commenter cares about commenting on the article. Unless the writer has a direct connection with their audience, the hurdle of converting a reader to a commenter is tough enough. If the reader finds the article on another site, it is a tougher hurdle to get the reader to leave the site he or she is on (particularly if it is a favorite site), and convert that reader into a commenter on the original site the article was published on. To achieve that type of interaction a deeper connection than publishing articles and hoping someone reads them is required.

Last weekend I talked some smack to Bill Cammack, which led him to do a live stream. Bill’s live stream turned into a show featuring Liz Burr, TheJennTaFur, Darren Keith and I.

In this clip we are acting rather silly, but you’ll get my point in a minute. We talked for over an hour and we talked about a range of topics from the crane accident in New York to politics to relationships. We had a good time. I met three new people (Darren and Jenn in the stream) and a guy named Clarence who was using a Japanese phone so he couldn’t participate in the audio. This was a very spontaneous interaction.

After interacting with Darren and Jenn for over an hour, exchanging web site and Twitter information, if an article they wrote was on Digg, what are the odds that I would comment on Digg and not on their site? Or not talk to them about their article? Not mention to them “Hey, your article is on Digg, congrats!” or Twitter congrats on their article being on Digg (or any other social site)? My preference would be to talk to them, comment on their site, Twitter their stuff, etc. On the flip side, Clarence was only there for a minute and I had no interaction with him but to say hello. If I came across an article of his elsewhere and if I felt compelled enough to comment on it, I do not feel a priority to interact with him at all. Why should I? I’d drop my words where ever I was at the time. Of course, if I never interact with Jenn and Keith again my priorities would most likely change but if I keep in touch my priority would be different than someone I never interacted with.

For the longest time I’ve been telling this to people but the preference was to use 3rd party services because it was “the thing” instead of branding themselves and connecting to their readers. Essentially, it was like watching thousands of people walk into a brick wall. Watching them push themselves further away from the goal they expressed. I said, “Hey, you really might want to watch out who you let access personal information about you” and their response would be, “I don’t put anything online that I wouldn’t want everyone to know”, then I’d laugh to myself and try a different approach, “Hey 3rd party sites, how about implementing levels of privacy/friendship for users since (on average) most people do not think about how what they do today will impact them tomorrow?” It took two years, a lot of embarrassment and frustration for users on social sites to listen. I know, people didn’t care they linked to their boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse because it didn’t matter.

Until the breakup or divorce happens.

They also didn’t care about putting up those photos that got them fired or reprimanded.

Or saying something publicly that cost them the job/project/contract they wanted without realizing a potential client/employer saw something and misconstrued it because the words/pictures would have been better served if they remained private.

Imagine if all the time a writer spent placing 3rd party sites between themselves and their readers/users was spent forming a direct connection with their readers/users? Sure, one cannot stop conversations from going on elsewhere but there would be one happening on the writer’s site as well and the different conversations (in different niches, with different reader expectations) can give the writer different perspectives on their writing.

As a writer, how you interact with people matters and directly impacts how they interact with you.

Period.

End of story.

You know, an article where I don’t make a fool out of myself.

Talking to Bill, I realized the only way I could be authoritative would be to interview someone from Clinton’s camp to see exactly what happened, then write my article based on what I was told. How ironic that, taking that extra step, would have made my article a “better” article, a unique article because I would have information the other writers/bloggers did not have.

I don’t care enough about the topic to take that extra step.

I noticed that many writers do not research the facts for their articles, particularly if the writer is referencing what he or she feels is a “trusted” source. For some reason, “trusted” tends to equate to popular, yet popularity has nothing to do with trust or being reputable. Taking the extra step would make the writer/blogger more of a journalist, more responsible, one of the sticking points between a blogger/writer and a journalist.

Responsibility.

My question: with social interaction on the rise, and the ability to maintain anonymity decreasing, doesn’t the need for responsibility, if you are interacting in a public medium, increase?

You missed the signs.

Let’s keep it real, there are always signs there is trouble in a relationship. Be smart and recognize them because you might be able to repair the situation.

Or at least have the satisfaction of dumping her first.

I kid, I kid…

Let’s get to it: 10 signs you’re about to be a single man (in no particular order):

1. She avoids referring to you as her man: Should be fairly obvious but many times a man is so gleefully happy he does not realize she stopped introducing him as “my boyfriend NAME” to “this is NAME”. Let me give you a mini-tip: look out for this from the beginning because a lot of women (and men) do this unconsciously.
2. Lost interest in sex: Figured I would get the obvious ones out of the way. Lack of intimacy is a key sign she is phasing you out of her life. Do not confuse this with a woman that might have higher priorities, for example a single-parent, demanding job, etc. If there haven’t been significant changes in her life, she is still behaving as she always did (going out with friends, etc.) and her interest in sex dropped (along with other signs on this list) you can begin to question if something is wrong.
3. The friends have priority: You’d like to go out on Saturday but she’s going out with her girls. You want to catch a movie on Wednesday but she’s going out with her girls. Get the drift? If she is consistently picking her friends over you, well, isn’t the point of being in a relationship to spend time together? Don’t whine if she wants to spend some time with her girls. Her life can’t be all about you, ya know?
4. Call me sometime..: Does she call/send text messages/IM/email etc. as much as she once did? Happy women want to talk to their men and will break their neck trying to get in touch. The pissed off woman won’t really care if she talks to you or not. Lack of communication is another “putting distance between us” maneuver.
5. The “click” is gone: You remember how it was in the beginning? The connection was so strong; the vibe was flowing, even when things were tough. Now, you cannot connect anymore. Mentally, she’s not there or something has changed….perhaps it is you?
6. You’re always wrong: No one is wrong all the time, except you of course. She angry at you and honestly, this is hard one to get out of. She’s pushing you away but unwilling to discuss why.
7. No more public displays of affection: Remember when you used to hold hands walking in the mall, cuddle at the movies, kiss in public? Another “putting distance between you” move that means she has concerns about how others view her relationship with you.
8. She points out your differences: Are your long-term expectations in sync? If she wants to focus on her career and you want a stay at home mother for your kids, there is a problem. Perhaps entering the relationship one or both of you thought the other would change and it has become clear to her that is not going to happen.
9. Outside interests are a priority: Every one gains new interests but if these interests take priority over time with you, that is a sign where she is resisting the opportunity to spend time with you. People make time for the people important to them.
10. Her friends seem distant towards you: It is not uncommon for women to talk to their friends about a problem in their relationship before talking to their boyfriend. If you spend time with her friends you might notice a change in how her friends interact with you…because they know something you don’t.

Look back on your previous relationships and see if you can spot the signs where the relationship started to crumble. Learn from those experiences and look out for them in the future. Do not jump to conclusions at the smallest sign of change. If she’s busy three times you want to go out it could be she has school assignments or a work project that takes priority. Look for these signs consistent over time and try to work it out.

Or dump her first. I kid…I kid.