This time the thing nagging my brain is MMO Champion, one of the leading World of Warcraft information sites. MMO Champion is known for breaking news. WoW.com informs and educates readers, not necessarily being the first to deliver the news. The two sites complement each other because WoW.com covers more in-depth articles than MMO Champion, for example How-To Guides or more directly, explaining the changes MMO Champion reports and how it will affect players in the game. MMO Champion fills the gaps in WoW’s news delivery. Two different sites with two very different clear cut goals that complement each other.

Delving further, the founder of MMO Champion is in his early 20s, sold the site and still updates it, and has a very focused updating schedule.

Describe a typical workday at MMO-Champion.

Hmm … I don’t think I can explain that without looking crazy. When a patch is on test realms, there are a few things I have to keep in mind. Patches can be released as early as 6:00 p.m. (CET) and as late as 7:00 a.m. The European CMs can post patch note update between 10:00 a.m. and 6:00 p.m., and people can first-kill bosses or discover very important stuff in all time zones.

I never sleep for more than three or four hours in a row — it’s not that bad when you’re used to it — and just try to be here when something happens. But it’s not always that bad. When nothing important happens, I can just sleep for 10 hours, wake up, spend an hour or two checking the blue posts and writing a news, post it, and do whatever I want for the rest of the day. But that didn’t happen a lot in 2008 or 2009, and I usually use this free time to work on new features for the site.

So you work seven days a week?

Yes, especially now that Blizzard posters are also active during the weekend. First kills can happen seven days a week. Even on Sunday, I still have to work on news for the day after. It usually takes slightly more time than during the week, because it’s harder to fill a home page when there isn’t any official post to report.

That focus is what led to him being able to sell the site within the first year of its existence.

They want it…but not that bad…

I know many people who want a “big” site like MMO Champion (millions of readers per month) but do not want to put in the effort Fabien exerts daily to maintain a quality site. Their expectations are not realistic. Most of the people I know who have successful sites lived and breathed those sites to get them off the ground. Their social lives tanked because the responsibilities of the site took precedence and they have no regrets because they enjoy what they do. Listen to Fabien’s description of his social life:

And what about you? Are you working day by day on MMO-Champion, or are you looking forward to new projects and plans?

The site totally killed my social life over the last two years. Most of the people I know tell me to “get a real job,” because video games and internet are definitely not serious businesses. I live during the night most of the year, and I still love this job. ^^

I will probably try to change a few things and start recruiting people to let me do a few things I can’t do right now, like attending major events and spending more time creating other projects.

Note what he said. He did not say he wanted the extra time to go swimming, hang out in the club, etc. He wanted the free time to attend more events or create other projects. The hard word he is putting in now could easily allow him to retire at 30, in plenty of time to have kids, raise a family, and enjoy life. Let’s be real…if that were to happen he earned it. He put in the hours, the effort, and made the sacrifices.

He receives tens of millions of page views per month from the millions of unique people who visits his site. Does he share his stats? Only when asked as he is very humble about it. When he was a rising star, did he publish his stats? Nope. He was too busy working on the site and the results were obvious from the links and interaction on his site. Thinking about it more, the big sites normally do not brag about their stats, even as they are becoming powerhouses. They might state the stats for an advertising page but that is it. I definitely did not when I had my large gaming site. I was too busy scaling the site and dealing with the problems that arise when there is an increase in visitors for the thought to cross my mind (interesting tidbit: I talked more about my stats with the site after I closed it than when I had it. I knew the traffic would come with the effort I was putting in so there was no reason to stress it). Let me be clear, statistics are important but people focused on their stats to the point of posting them online usually are slacking in other areas, because their focus is wrong, that could help grow their site. Especially since most site owners focus on the wrong stats.

Fabien also does not have goals that are out of his reach. He knows the work involved to reach his goals and does not have a problem putting in the effort, or spending the money (if needed). He made improvements in data mining and hired the people needed to create the tools. This investment made it easier for him to update the site and he used the extra time wisely. He reinvested it in the site or other projects. As of the last interview I could find, he no longer plays WoW because he spends so much time mining for news or beta testing. By the time he is done, he feels as though he played the game. That is how he finds balance and continues to enjoy what he does. His enthusiasm shows in his dedication.

This is the part where someone usually says there are many ways to have a successful business. There sure are, pat yourself on the back. There are many ways to go about it but hard work and dedication is rarely something that can be taken away, be successful and maintain that success. Using MMO Champion as an example, unless something big is going on, he only makes one news update per day. However, he has quite a bit of data to go through daily to make that update as the news and developer updates are made all throughout the day. If he misses something, his audience let’s him know about it. His audience expects the quality to continue.

As far as competition is concerned, he will have minimal competition. There are many WoW sites but very few have the quality content he has. Why? They are not willing to put in the effort Fabien does.

Are you that person?

Are you the person that wants success but not enough to consistently work hard to reach your goals? Are you the person that does not mind hard work and looks forward to challenges that come up? Be honest with yourself. If going to the beach or the club on weeknights or weekends is a priority to you, then you are in conflict with having a “big” successful business. Better to know the truth early on than frustrate yourself trying to achieve something that most likely will not happen (until the focus and dedication changes).

Why did that site stick in my mind?

It is an example of what I want to do, what I’ll need to do, and a variation of the success I’d like to have. A quality entity that people appreciate.

And I’m willing to work for it.

I made sure to start typing intently prior to when they started discussing key points so I could freely type my thoughts without them knowing it. I had on my poker face, smiling when appropriate and typing in a continuous fashion. Otherwise, I think it would be like the situations we see on TV where the psychiatrist listens intently and when he or she starts writing, the patient knows something important was said. While I was typing, listening to their excuses as to why they missed their deadlines, I thought to myself, “WTF?”.

A quick note on relationships

No relationship is perfect so of course you will have disagreements and hurt feelings. However, relationships are supposed to strengthen you, not weaken you. When someone is draining you to the point you are not functioning the way you should, that is not the right person for you. The right person would realize you have things that need to be done, would put their personal issues aside, help you accomplish the goal, then go back to dealing with the problem that is causing so much drama the ability to function has been decreased.

Let’s put this in perspective by looking at the following scenarios:

• You buy tickets to go to a concert.
• You hire someone to fix something in your home.
• You need to have your car fixed and took it in for repair. It is supposed to be ready by the end of the day.
• You have an appointment at 9am with the bank to sign mortgage papers.

Would it be acceptable to you that the concert was canceled, the person coming to fix the problem did not show up, the car was not fixed, and the mortgage papers were not ready because…someone got in a fight with their spouse/significant other?

Of course not. The good spouse would be backstage to support their spouse no matter how pissed off. Or will take things off the repair person’s schedule so they could be at your house on time. Do you see the difference? The person that drains you, pulling you out the door backwards either needs to straighten it up right now, or you need to move on. It is not a healthy relationship. Moving on….

The tough choices, which really aren’t tough…

After the meeting, I had to tell my client what the problem was. There were project flow issues but the root of the issue was these talented people letting their personal issues come into the work area. The two guys with the martial issues were normally excellent workers. If they said something would be done on Friday the 18th, it was done Friday the 11th, without exception. My client did not like projects being dependent whether the employees have a happy home life.

This was not a workforce problem. The team gets along well; there was no reason to miss the deadline other than slacking. For my client the resolution is simple: either the employees get it together right now or they will be fired. For the employees the decision is simple: get a divorce, fix the problem, or continue on this same path.

I advised my client to have a stern talk with the employees, do not mention their personal issues and tell them they are walking on a fine line. Give them enough rope to hang themselves.

Then begin looking for replacements because relationship issues do not resolve themselves overnight but if they do straighten up he will have an even stronger team. People do not change instantaneously. Usually, the couple slips into the same bad habits until they end up in divorce court. Replacements will boost the team because these two key employees are no longer strong. Their word means nothing because of all the broken promises.

They are no longer the best.

In the end…

There will be times when personal problems get us down. We are human. However, just like being a noob is not an excuse to not use common sense, personal problems are not an excuse to slack in other areas of your life. Your word is golden and keeping your word helps build trust. When your word begins to mean nothing, when your words stop matching your actions…anyone or anything causing that is not “good” for you.

I hope that they become organized. I doubt it because they are in unhealthy relationships mistaking it for love. Otherwise, their spouses would be supportive, instead of draining. In addition, before someone tells me that perhaps the spouse does not know the impact his or her relationship is having on their work performance…that in itself is a sign of the relationship not working.

Why don’t they know?

Treating customers or employees in an unsatisfactory manner is a different and unnecessary “evil” behavior. So is mistreating the audience that helped the company grow. Inappropriate use of funds, becoming greedy…these are all forms of unnecessary “evil” behavior.

Marketing is a tough field to thrive in without crossing the line and this is a common area where companies cross the line trying to get people to buy their products. Rarely do companies take responsibility for the bad decisions they make.

This is a screenshot from the game Mass Effect 2. The game was a revelation for me because it reminded me of something I knew, but forgot along the way. See the blue and red bars? The blue bars are paragon points, for being good in the game. The red bars are renegade points, for being bad in the game. In most games, there is one bar showing the total of good and bad (completely hiding bad actions if there were more good actions).

Life does not work that way.

No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes and most mistakes should not follow someone forever. In Mass Effect 2, they make it very clear which actions are good and which ones are bad. The player makes the choice to do bad. When I started playing Mass Effect, I didn’t like two bars. I wanted my paragon bar to be maxed with no renegade because I wanted a “good” character (note her name – Angel). As I played the game, there were situations where I wanted to do the renegade action. For example, a bartender tried to poison my character. Going back and confronting the bartender was clearly marked as a renegade action (which I did). It became clear I had to make a choice: either play the game making decisions I did not like to have full paragon points or I played the game that would be most fun (or made the most sense) to me and have renegade points. You can see what I did.

Real life is the same way.

Goody two shoes…

No matter how good someone tries to be, they’ll end up doing something “bad”. I consider myself “good” but I still do “bad” things, depending on the situation. If someone steps to me wrong, I am not going to be a “good little girl” and take it because I believe people treat you the way you allow them to treat you. The truth: most people know when they are doing a renegade action and they have an idea, if found out, how “bad” the outcome would be. When people talk negatively online about their jobs, they have a pretty good idea that there would be a price to pay if the co-workers they were talking about read what they said. It’s cowardly, to go online and vent instead of speaking up. However, people do it every day and people get fired for it every day. Why? People foolishly believe they will not get caught. This does not change the action of saying something behind someone’s back being a renegade action.

The goodest of the good do bad things. Do you go over the speed limit? Never tell a lie? Pay all of your bills on time? Always keep your word? Ever go over budget or over spend? There are renegade actions littered within good actions. The good actions do not make up or take away the renegade (bad) ones.

The goal to recovering from mistakes

The goal is simple, right? A person should have more paragon (good) actions than renegade (bad) actions. There is one problem: doing good does not equate to wiping away the bad. You cannot change your story, you cannot re-write history, you cannot change your past. Many people do something good to receive the benefit of clouding the bad action. For example, an employee might seem to be hard working but that is only because the worker is trying to cover the lie told that the project was further along than normal. Or a cheating spouse might get a gift for their mate to ease their guilt.

The key to recovering from a mistake is doing good; expecting nothing in return.

Doing something for the benefit of receiving something in return is not a good action; it’s a manipulative act to get your way. This is why many people fail to recover from big mistakes; their intent was not sincere. They end up reverting to the old behaviors because nothing changed, outside of getting caught.

Going back to Daniel’s situation, to recover he’d first have to sincerely apologize. Most people did not accept the statement as being sorry for what he did. However, the apology should happen when he has changed and it would bother him not to apologize, not to get in anyone’s good graces. He would also return any items he might have received in exchanged for writing the articles, especially since those articles were deleted. Keeping the merchandise (if he received any) would bother him if he sincerely changed. Eventually, doing “good” things for the right reasons (if he sincerely changes), people will leave the past in the past. The motivations behind the good actions are pure and non-selfish.

When trust is broken it takes time. There is no rushing the healing process and no guarantee the trust can be rebuilt. The best option is to not take the renegade actions unless you’re sure you can live with the outcome.

Edit: Daniel did an interview. Note how he talks as if he still works at TechCrunch in the beginning. Note he dodges with the details with what happened with the solicitation of items in exchange for articles. Personally, I think Daniel should have kept his mouth shut. So much for Andrew helping to build the kid up. Let me be clear on this: Andrew keeps asking Daniel what happened with his “exclusive” interview. Doing this interview proves Daniel is too wet behind the ears to be in tech. It pains me to watch this video. On the real.

There is another article about the behaviors of the tech scene by Loren. He makes a good point about the parents making the decision on who their son is around professionally.

Daniel Brusilovsky is a 17-year old entrepreneur and student residing in the Silicon Valley. Daniel has been producing media content online since February 2007, and has hosted numerous podcasts along the way.

Daniel is also the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of Teens in Tech Networks, a company that provides a suite of products to enable the youth to post their content online, as well as collaborate and interact with others. Teens in Tech Networks was founded in February 2008, and currently has 16 employees worldwide.

Sounds like Daniel has a good start going for him, does not it? Matter of fact, the Teens in Tech conference starts today. Unfortunately, for Daniel, he made a big mistake:

On Monday evening I received a phone call from someone I trust who told me that one of our interns had asked for compensation in exchange for a blog post. Specifically, this intern had allegedly asked for a Macbook Air in exchange for a post about a startup.

After an investigation we determined that the allegation was true. In fact, on at least one other occasion this intern was almost certainly given a computer in exchange for a post.

The intern in question has admitted to some of the allegations, and has denied others. We suspended this person while we were sorting through exactly what happened. When it became clear yesterday that there was no question that this person had requested, and in one case taken, compensation for a post, the intern was terminated.

Daniel potentially blew his career for a Macbook Air. You’d think, since his business employs 16 people, he could easily afford a Macbook Air. You’d also think he’d know better than to use his valuable TechCrunch connection to receive goods in exchange for entries. You’d think his ethics would be stronger than that. I know, he’s a kid right? Kids make mistakes. This “kid” is an entrepreneur holding conferences and employing people. Step into the adult ring with his actions, he does not get to pull the “I’m a kid” card. If he’s a “kid” he should not be CEO, should he? That is an adult position and he was punished as an adult. He was terminated, all this entries were deleted, and although not named in the entry initially, people figured out who the intern was, and the entry was edited to include a link to Daniel’s apology. I’m not buying the apology.

In some way or another, a line was crossed that should have never been. At this time, I do not want to go into details, but I will publicly say that I am truly sorry to my family, friends, TechCrunch, and especially the tech community.

He did not take responsibility for what he did. He did not admit what he did. How can someone be sincerely sorry without owning up for what they did? Sorry he was busted…no doubt. Sorry for what he did? It’s not showing in his apology entry. I wonder if the people at TechCrunch believes his apology. The timing of the exposure is perfect. TechCrunch could have waited until after the conference to expose Daniel. Let me be clear, I’m glad they didn’t, because this is part of the learning experience. Daniel betrayed people who trusted him and misused his authority. It is fitting he has to deal with his betrayal during his tech conference, just as an adult would, but what about after the conference? How does one recover from a big screw up like this?

The Recovery

Personally, I think Daniel needs to leave tech alone. His ethics do not match what is needed in the industry for success. People do not change overnight. If he tried to receive a Macbook Air, there are probably other areas where he crossed the line ethically. Getting caught does not change the way a person thinks, often it just makes them smarter in how they break the rules.

Let’s say the goal is to stay in technology, how does one recover? It’s a lengthy process. One Google search will always bring up what Daniel did, which is why he has to own up to it to atone. Talking about what he did, using himself as an example on how easy it can be to cross the line, and showing his process of moving forward will slowly gain respect from his readers. Honestly, many teens and adults would cross the line. Just because an opportunity for success arises does not mean the person is ready to maintain the success. Daniel had an opportunity, he blew it, and would have to earn it back by rebuilding the trust he broke. Talking about the situation over time would eventually over-shadow the news about his mistake. There is one caveat.

He can never screw up like this again.

If he makes another ethical mistake, it would be much worse as the previous mistake would arise along with the current one. Doing nothing means the mistake will always follow him. Atoning means his ethics changed, and that takes time to prove. If he thinks he can “be a kid” and come back later to the industry, he’s mistaken. This will always follow him and will be like a thorn in his side unless he deals with it.

The inconsistencies with James’ explanation

James (which is a woman – remember that) starts with a heart breaking story of a woman that is unable to make ends meet for her family (single parent). Struggling as an author under her real name, she picked a male name to write under and instantly (her word, not mine) noticed a difference.

I was still bringing in work with the other business, the one I ran under my real name. I was still marketing it. I was still applying for jobs — sometimes for the same jobs that I applied for using my pen name.

I landed clients and got work under both names. But it was much easier to do when I used my pen name.

Next, the explanation that is okay using a male pseudonym citing others who did it because of discrimination. I have experienced discrimination and had opportunities disappear because of my gender so I’m not saying that discrimination does not exist. Inevitably, someone linked to her site and she received more exposure. Then the reason for the confession: someone threatened to tell her secret.

For three years, I’ve kept my true name and gender pretty tightly under wraps and only confided in a tiny handful of people I trusted.

In the United States, you can write under a pseudonym but you have to provide accurate information to the employer and report the income properly. When a writer picks a pen name for a book, the book is published with the pen name is on the cover but the publisher knows the real identity of the author. Many make a corporation around the identity so they can legally use it. Using an agent would also provide a layer of protection (the agent would collect income but that is an expensive option). James’ situation is different. The scenario she presented was being unable to get good gigs, meaning she’d have to present herself as a man to the people hiring her. Her audience, according to her entry, had little to do with her situation and why she decided to write as a man. Reading this on Brian’s site, I find it very hard to believe he was one that would have treated her differently as a female. Of course, there are communities like BlogHer that cater to women.

Then my real WTF moment came:

Oh, my real name? Well, I never really wanted that revealed, totally apart from the gender issue. I know better than most how quickly and profoundly revealing just a tiny bit of personal information can affect (and even destroy) people’s lives.

I have kids. I’m not interested in making myself vulnerable in that way.

If you scroll up, didn’t she just say she was initially marketing under her real name? She was doing this yet she NEVER wanted to reveal her real name? Which one is it? Seriously?

The comments: unreal

Overall people supported her decision. No one questioned who these unscrupulous companies were that treated her unfairly. Few were angry that she lied to her audience. At first I was puzzled because with my audience, if I said, “guess what, I’m a man” they would be pissed off. Of course, I can’t say that because I’ve had pictures online, done video streams, did voice chats, podcasts, videos, and met many of the people I interact with. These are things James cannot do because she has to maintain the lie (even though she’s told the truth – note she said to continue to call her James). Real-time activities are things to avoid when lying because of the extra care needed to maintain the lies.

Essentially, she has cockblocked her own growth. The more popular one becomes, the more people want to see and interact with the person. That’s when the invitations to speak, go to conferences, etc. come up. She’d have to reject them all. She also has to shy away from most social interactions because honestly, it would be idiotic to set up social network profiles (having friends) for “James Chartrand”. That’s asking to be busted, especially if there are other James Chartrands around.

The timing for her admission comes at an ironic time as, in the US, we have two high profiles situations going on around immoral acts. Tiger Woods cheating/lying to his wife and Facebook changing their privacy policies. In both cases, the actions are not illegal, they are immoral. However, people expressed their disgust, anger, frustration, etc. over these situations. They felt betrayed and misled. Tiger has this squeaky clean image that was a lie and Facebook changed features that attracted users. Why is James Chartrand getting no flack what-so-ever?

People don’t seriously care one way or the other.

Think about it. If someone you’ve come to respect lied to you, how would you take it? Especially if they continued the lie unnecessarily. James no longer needs to lie. People were more upset that Tiger lied/cheated and Facebook changed their policies. To me, that says a lot.

I am blessed to have an audience that cares about me. They’ve watched me grow communities, hung out with me online, trusted me enough to ask me for advice, drove me crazy (let’s not forget that – /hugs), prayed for me and my family, supported my projects…there is a bond with my readers. I know they want comments opened here and I’ve explained they will be once I finish getting the site in order (until I am sure I can import them, I don’t want to lose the data) but I make an effort to hurry up because I care that they care enough to want to interact with me and each other. I am wonderfully blessed to have people that love, trust and respect me (even if they never met me). If I betrayed their trust, it would hurt…as it should. Because they care.

There are too many successful female writers for this to be about gender alone. I am not saying there isn’t discrimination because there is, but I question why I’ve been able to over come it, other women overcame it, and she can’t? Who are these unscrupulous companies doing this? Let’s kick some ass and stop this once and for all. Don’t hold your breath for names to be exposed. It won’t happen.

Men With Pens…

I browsed Men With Pens and let’s just say I raised an eyebrow at some of the things said because, with the new knowledge of her using a fake identity, the meaning of her words change. Sometimes dramatically.

I cannot say, in all honesty, that I know what it’s like to be a work-at-home mother, though. But I’m a dad, and that’s close.

…Those blogs don’t make me feel like an outsider because I’m male. I’m not afraid to comment. I know my comments are read. I feel like if I toddle over to visit the blog, my balls won’t be lopped off and tossed to the wolves.
Online Personality: Avoiding the Mommy Blogger Stereotype

Of course she doesn’t feel afraid to comment because she’s a female single parent. As a male, she doesn’t know a damn thing.

My local community doesn’t make me feel guilty if I don’t contribute. No one comes to ask for my money or my time, either. They put an ad in the paper. Contribute or not, if you like the cause. I don’t have an obligation to fork out because I live in this town. I could ignore the whole idea completely, if I wanted.

And I’d still be seen as a fine, upstanding member of the community.Screw Community

Or, maybe she can’t contribute to a community because her alias would be busted. And as far as partnering with people to help build a community…can you say 9rules? I was accepted as a member, volunteered my time as Community Director, was offered partnership, and sold the company. So yeah, sometimes it work and with all things, sometimes it doesn’t.

Posting a photo is one way to achieve some credibility, and many people recommend putting your face up on your site. But posting a photo is an action that I don’t necessarily agree with, even though it’s highly recommended.Building Credibility with Personal Photos

Or, the real reason, James can’t post a photo without blowing her identity. See what I mean? These articles take on a completely different meaning when you know the facts. To me, they come off as excuses as to why she is not doing what everyone else does naturally. I never put a picture for credibility. The thought never crossed my mind to put up a picture for credibility. Do people really do that? What about a picture makes you credible?

In the end…

I strongly suggest not taking her path and faking your identity if you live in the US. Not only does it cripple you legally, let alone the issue of copyright, it is challenging to become popular and maintain the identity. Look at all the people who tried and failed as they became popular. Being on the internet alone leaves a trail people can follow to find out pseudonym. Become popular enough, someone will become curious enough, and you will suffer the fate of the others…busted. Fortunately for those people, they didn’t have a secret.

If you do write with a pseudonym, make sure legally you have all the bases covered. The legal hassles aren’t worth it.

Good luck James…or whatever your name is. Hopefully many people will learn from your story.

Written by: Tyme White | Follow Tyme on Twitter | Be Friends on Facebook

• Stealing your idea and calling it their own.
• Trying to make you look bad.
• Attempting to get your help/experience without giving you the job (ie: extra work, no promotion).
• Unfair treatment of women in the workplace.
• Someone making a promise and not coming through.
• People saying negative (or untrue) things behind your back to suit their own agenda.
• Knowing someone is purposely trying to stop you from being hired or promoted.

I could add to the list all day long. Of course these things happen in small businesses too. Actually, the opportunity for these things to happen can be higher in small business because the appropriate measures to attempt to prevent these things from happening are not in place. There is a larger opportunity for people to let their agendas, egos, fears and insecurities creep into business.

Be realistic: it will happen to you eventually

No matter what you do, how loyal you are, or how hard you work, someone will purposely betray you eventually. When I say purposely, the person is aware of what they are doing, perform the actions to make it happen, and will most likely attempt to be goody-goody and friendly to you while they are stabbing you in the back. If they are caught, they will give some sort of weak excuse for their behavior. Do not be surprised if the person ends up being someone you thought was a friend or trusted. It is easier for the people close to you to betray you because they know you well.

There are people who think they are exempt from malicious behavior and they pay a high price for it. They never let their guard down, they are always suspicious, and watchful. The only way to be “exempt” is to notice it and stop it before it happens. There are also people who are very trusting and naive and feel being a “good” person stops purposely malicious behavior from happening. Both theories are inaccurate. Eventually, you will be betrayed and usually, it is by someone you thought you could trust. As humans, we have different personalities and traits. Unfortunately, even if there are rules in place, there are people who, driven by those negative emotions, make horrible decisions. In small businesses, this happens often because many small businesses have no rules in place to ward off this type of behavior.

The betrayal and the lovely stab in the back will happen eventually.

What do you do if you realize you are being played?

Unfortunately, there is not a right answer for this due to the many scenarios it can take place. Sometimes it is best to nip the situation in the bud and avoid the person as much as possible. There are other situations where you can flip the situation to your advantage, which I’ve done in the past. Dealing with betrayal is very similar to the playground fights we experienced as kids. When another kid snatched your toy did you let them or did you stand up for yourself? Are you one to avoid confrontations or do you deal with issues straight on as they happen? The optimal solution is to tactically do what is necessary to spin the situation in your favor. Unfortunately, some people are literally unable to do that. They don’t have the personality to do it. This is why it is hard to give blanket advice on this issue.

The important thing is for people to realize when they are being taken advantage of and to not think there is an exemption to malicious behavior. Your intuition will often give you a sign that something is wrong. You’ll feel it in your gut and just “know” you’re being screwed over. This is where the ability to detach business and personal feelings come in handy. Do not allow your personal feelings (ie: hurt) to get in the way. This is business. It might be your friend stabbing you in the back but don’t let their betrayal of you personally take you out of the game. Realize what is happening, try to find out as much information as you can (is the person working alone or is the situation more dire with multiple people working together?), then make an informed decision that will hopefully lead to an optimal solution.

If you play someone, you will eventually get caught

Just as people think malicious behavior won’t happen to them there are people who believe they can do malicious acts and they are so smooth and skilled, they will not get caught. The stupidity in this mode of thinking is that the more the person does it, the higher the chances of getting caught. The odds decrease for being able to get away with it. Ego can be damning because their ego causes them to think they can get away with it, especially if they have gotten away with it previously. An amusing situation to me is when someone knows they are busted and continue to perform the malicious behavior. I find that fascinating and amusing when I notice it because it is a cat and mouse game.

Realize that if you are one to take advantage of others the more popular you become, the higher the odds you’ll be busted, publicly. We see examples of this all the time and those people initially thought they would not get caught. They also, at some point, knew they were busted and continued the malicious behavior (or increased it trying to fix the mess).

In the end

It is what it is. One of the keys to having a successful life is being able to jump over the hurdles that come up. Some hurdles are good, for example having to upgrade your servers because of an increase in traffic. Some are bad, for example, unexpected illness. In the end, one has to deal with them all in one form or another. People treat you the way you allow them.

If you allow yourself to be played, you will continue to be played until you make it stop.

The Leaper’s skill lay in his ability to detect bullshit. Being bright, a former engineer, and familiar with the problem space, he could tell when he was being spun. He knew when he was hearing less than the truth. Generally he was understanding when he sampled ambiguity, but there was one sure way to get him to leap: answer a question with an excuse.

The Leaper attacked excuses as a personal affront. He wouldn’t let anyone leave the room until it was painfully clear that the excuse card had been played, that it was unacceptable, and that the proper steps were taken to make sure it would never happen again.

The article is a good read. It is an honest entry on how often he uses excuses and why he used them. This made me wonder…

How often do we realize we are receiving excuses?

When someone says, “they are swamped” many times that is the truth? They are busy juggling things and missed doing something; don’t have the time to do something, etc. That does not change the fact that “something” isn’t getting done. When you receive an excuse what makes you madder? The fact you are getting an excuse or something not being done when it should be? Of course, there are people who say they are swamped when they aren’t. They are procrastinating on doing what is supposed to be done.

I’m not above making excuses

I may as well bring this up because I know some of my readers will be thinking about it. World of Warcraft. Not running instances/raids. I know, excuse after excuse. Here’s the real blunt deal:

• I don’t like being told how to play a game I am paying for. That happens a lot in WoW. “You’re playing a BM Hunter? They don’t deal out maximum DPS and shouldn’t because they are so easy to play…”, “Death Knights are overpowered! Whine whine whine!” “Feral Druids as DPS? No my dear…”. I hate that but unfortunately, that is what happens.
• I really don’t like running an instance praying for my gear to drop and if it does, I might not get it. Add to that the gear is needed to progress. Very time-consuming.
• I love PVP but I don’t want to play in arenas to do it. Battlegrounds were cool until they killed them with arenas (and they admit they screwed up with arenas).
• I missed my friends. That was what made the game fun. I made some friends in game but it wasn’t the same as my homies (the dynamics change because I don’t mind not getting gear because it isn’t about gear anymore).

I made every excuse in the book not to run them because I felt guilty not doing what everyone else was doing. I never adapted to what was fun to me…running a business within WoW. I might not have the best gear but I would have had fun maxing out my bank account and buying everything in game. If I log back in, I’ll explore that.

Anyway, instead of just admitting it and moving on I tried to do something I didn’t want to do and made excuses. Which I am sure all you very smart people saw through.

Ironically, in business I am the opposite. I don’t make excuses and I don’t put myself in a position for someone to call me out on an excuse (hence I don’t make them). I prefer someone just give me the real deal. I prefer to be mad for a minute than lied to. Excuses backfire in the long run.

How to improve on the excuse front

In business excuses are damaging. When something goes wrong or someone messes up the first (instinctual) response is to excuse yourself from blame or justify why it happened. Instead, just be honest. The truth will eventually come out anyway. Say something of value, turn things around. Instead of making excuses I should have said, “Without my peeps, instances aren’t my thing. This is what I do…” and leave it at that. Look how many maxed out bank accounts I could have had by now?

Read The Leaper. Then stop making excuses.

Written by: Tyme White | Follow Tyme on Twitter | Be Friends on Facebook

“Give up keeping relationships with people you don’t really like.

Ever dated or fell in love with a person who had someone in their life close to them that didn’t like you? How realistic is it to believe that the situation will succeed when someone close to the one you love does not like you? The only way the situation can work is for the person you love to put their foot down. The problem isn’t you or the one you are trying to have a relationship with. It is a third person interfering in an area they do not belong, as relationships are between two people. How realistic is it to believe a situation will work if a third person is allowed to disturb your relationship?”

What does one do in situations like this, in both business and personal relationships? When does it become apparent the situation is unrealistic? In an attempt to answer these questions, I wanted something visual to demonstrate the problem. Luckily, the answer fell right into my lap.

Let’s look at a video…

I came across a new World of Warcraft video maker called Ashe. I never heard of him before so I took a little while to familiarize myself with his videos while making the decision whether I wanted to subscribe to his content. While looking at his videos I found the one below. It is a Warsong Gulch battlegrounds match, which is basically capture the flag. He plays an Alliance Retribution Paladin. You do not have to play World of Warcraft to understand the main point I am making about the video. He is the one that captures all of the flags and returns them to the base for Alliance.

I watched the video and thought, “what the hell??????????” Do you see what went wrong?

So much for team work…

I can honestly say I’ve never experienced what I saw in the video when I played Warsong Gulch. I have never been able to just pick up a flag and not have someone attack me while doing it or not have a skirmish in the middle of the field. I have successfully captured/returned the flag but it took way more effort than what I viewed in this video. Where were the Horde? Sitting on their asses drinking coffee or something? The Horde was not working as a team at all and the Alliance had such a strong player it was a cake walk. That wasn’t challenging at all. Yet I wouldn’t be surprised if, on that server, Horde complained about never winning in battlegrounds. Isn’t it an unrealistic expectation to win with sorry ass team work like that? You bet it is.

Unless a pre-made team is created in World of Warcraft, you are going to be teamed with a bunch of strangers. Together, the team needs to work out how to achieve the goal. In business, especially online businesses, this happens too. People with similar or complimentary skills think, “Hey, let’s form a business together!” without really knowing each other or knowing if they work well together. Another common situation is friends going into business without knowing if they work well together. On the personal side, you’ll see situations where guy meets girl (or vice versa) and the friends/family do not like the person (even though the couple gets along well without the interference) or when two friends are cool and a third person befriends one of the friends and wants to enter the mix.

There are many possible situations as to why the dislike is there from someone outside the relationship. Jealousy, lack of trust, insecurity, putting their wants over the person in the relationship…it is endless really. So what does one do if you find yourself in that situation? When did it become an unrealistic situation to win on the Horde side? Right from the beginning. So much easier to leave a battleground than deal with people we care about, isn’t it?

Bad dynamics

In the video, the Horde did not work as a team to attempt to win against the Alliance. In a relationship where two people get along and a third person or family causes havoc, the “team” is not working together to get along. If two people are friends and another enters the mix, as a team they have to work together to balance it out. In each case, everyone needs to be working together to reach the same goal. It’s very simple:

• Horde: We are a team, if we want to win we need a strategy. Are you willing to work to win the match? No? Time to leave.
• Relationship: We get along but this third person or family is causing us to not get along. Do you want to stay in this relationship? Yes? The third person or the family has to chill or bounce.
• Friends: Look, we’ve been friends and X is cool, but something is a miss if X is causing us to fight. Do we want to still be friends? Yes? Then we have to come up with a solution for X.

Yes, I know. Easier said than done, right? Well, in personal relationships it becomes sticky because of personal feelings. In business, it should be cut and dry. Have you ever experienced the bad manager who causes the entire department to stop functioning as well as it did? Or the person appointed as CEO and the company starts losing money? As a team, there is dysfunction on achieving the goals. Sort of like trying to put together a puzzle with pieces that do not fit. One “bad” piece will stop the puzzle from being complete. Thinking bad dynamics will work is unrealistic.

So quick tips

Here are some quick tips for these kinds of issues. I will definitely talk about these more in depth in future articles.

• Most friends can’t work well together. The traits that cause the friendship to work break down in business. However, when two friends can work together, it is an awesome thing. Usually it is a problem of role placement or lack of the same work ethics that cause friends not to get along.
• In ownership situations, couples working together is fine. Other partners coming into the equation have to respect the relationship and not have unrealistic expectations. I suggest the couple hire the people needed to avoid trouble.
• With friends, realize if jealousy or insecurity is the issue, it is unrealistic that a person with those issues can bring “good” into the friendships. Instead of trying to make a bad situation work, the person with the jealousy or insecurities should resolve their jealousy or insecurity issues, then see if everyone is on the same page.
• In situations regarding family, live your life. Especially if you found happiness. Those that truly love you want you to be happy, even if they don’t agree. If they can’t be on your side, distance is the only realistic solution.

I hope this helps to answer some of those questions. Again, the solution is usually a very simple one (get with the program or get out). Unfortunately, sometimes the solution is scary, especially when feelings can be hurt. Just remember that you can tell someone’s true intentions by their actions. Their goal should be to want the best for the company, the person they care about, etc. If their actions are causing disturbance or pain, he or she should have to fix that ASAP.

Written by: Tyme White | Follow Tyme on Twitter | Be Friends on Facebook

For example, Alistar in the above image is a member of my party. He is a fellow Grey Warden. He is “my” type of guy (sense of humor, made mistakes (he used to hunt mages!) so doesn’t judge others too harshly, doesn’t necessarily open up easily but talking he slowly lets the walls down, loyal, etc.) so when I found out that there are love scenes in the game I decided he is the one my character will have the love scene with, and hopefully fall in love. Here is where my ethics kicked in:

Once I made up my mind that I wanted the Alistar pairing, I wanted to see who else I might have fits and giggles pairing my character with before starting up with Alistar because he is long-term. I don’t cheat…I mean my character doesn’t cheat. Allegedly, there is a possibility to have a threesome in the game. If my character does the threesome (because um, when will that happen again? A threesome in a RPG?) it again has to be before Alistar and not with Alistar. Notice the half-naked bitch to the left. She is a powerful mage so I need her but damn, put some clothes on around my man. My character’s man. Bitch. I don’t like her because allegedly Alistar will have to have sex with her (to procreate) to save the world or some shit. Yeah, I know, my character doesn’t know shit and I don’t like it but not enough to stop my character from pairing up with Alistar. My toon will be a powerful mage. Maybe I can change that storyline….

Or another example: As a mage we have to go through a test called the Harrowing. I passed but not all mages do. To be a mage there has to be a strong sense of right and wrong, not to use magic for bad purposes. Blood mages are bad in the game. A fellow mage confided in me that he was seeing an initiate – which is forbidden. He said he thought he was being denied the Harrowing because he was being made Tranquil – stripped of emotion and feeling. He wanted to destroy his vial of blood in the tower so that the process could not happen and he could not be tracked down when he escaped.

While the story unfolded I felt he was lying, even before the clues gently pointed in that direction. When the option came up to tell our superior what he was up to, I told but felt uncomfortable doing it, especially being asked to deceive him by helping him get his blood (I prefer confrontation over lies). I did as I was told (which is often what happens in business – you find out someone is screwing up but no matter how good of a friend that person is, the situation must be corrected) and he eventually revealed himself as being a blood made. His girlfriend was devastated because she trusted him and was going to pay a heavy price for it (prison). I hoped his cowardly ass (he ran away and escaped) comes back up in the game so I can kill him. Or feed him to the darkspawn.

What’s so different about this game?

I looked forward to playing a Death Knight in World of Warcraft. I happily killed up innocents without giving it a second thought. In Dragon Age: Origins, I am careful and I match my choices with my own ethics. What is the difference?

The decisions I make in Dragon Age: Origins have consequences. Without knowing what they are, I tread lightly. If I play through the game again, knowing what happens, I will have more of a WoW play style. It won’t matter. People say they play wild and crazy to escape their life but I wonder if they make similar choices in real life, maybe without even realizing it?

I love that the game has choices. You can play good or more belligerent and smart mouthed. There is a guy who has already played through the entire game and uploaded it on YouTube. A very cool concept and a lot of work. I enjoy his commentary and watching him make choices that sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t. He sides with good choices. He opted to have his male warrior pair with Morrigan, by viewer request.

I guess, in the end, I am always one to be aware of how what I do today may impact me tomorrow. Sometimes I’ll care, sometimes I won’t but I’ll always be aware.

Written by: Tyme White | Follow Tyme on Twitter | Be Friends on Facebook