What caught me at first was the brightness of her room. It’s pink on steroids. I, personally, couldn’t stand looking at that every day but I also realized how that color would not do well where I live. In the summer it would be fine but during fall and winter it wouldn’t look bright. It would have a dingy look to it (if one opened their windows). Artificial light would be needed to ensure the walls did not look dingy.

The second thing that fascinated me is that she seems genuinely happy…like she is a sweet girl. Then somewhere along the way I realized what “really” fascinated me.

She doesn’t have a website.

Note how many followers she has on YouTube. Can you imagine the interactions she could have if she had her own site? She has a contact email for business related emails so it isn’t as though she hasn’t thought of business opportunities. I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t receive tons of makeup samples. She’s probably interacting with people of all ages. Males will love her because she’s a cutie and women of all ages wear makeup. She even has a healthy following on Twitter.

But what really impresses me is that she handles herself with more maturity than many adults I know. She’s still having fun but she’s taking care of business. Getting good grades in school. Keeping her room clean. Handling her responsibilities. Making a VERY nice name for herself online…her parents should be proud.

Kudos to Blair. I hope she’ll be an inspiration to some to get off your butt and do something fun! Your passion to do something fun will show and, as you can see in Blair’s case, many times can turn into business opportunities.

Mean What You Say. Say What You Mean

If you spend any time with children, you know they have to be taught what they can and cannot do. They have to be taught the difference between right and wrong. However, children do many things that aren’t “wrong”…the parent or guardian simply does not want the child to do it. For example, when a toddler figures out the remote control changes the TV channels most parents will tell the toddler not to touch the remote to ensure the toddler does not break it, but using the remote control is not “wrong”. See my point?

However, when the parent or guardian says, “Don’t touch the remote” the child should not touch the remote. He or she is going to and that is the learning process. The child has to respect the boundaries the parent puts in place until he/she moves out on their own.

The same thing happens in friendships, romantic relationships, and even online interactions except as adults we know the difference between right and wrong, good and bad, what will make someone happy or devastate them. There are boundaries we make clear not to cross or there is a price. That price can be very high. However, just like the child will push the boundaries so will people…if you allow them to. If you say “Don’t do something” there has to be a price if the person continues to do it, otherwise you will end up a doormat.

And that’s where my problems began. I became the doormat.

Yeah, I Said Earlier You Do It Too…

Here is a relationship example (and I know how much you guys love relationship stuff). I normally don’t read AskMen.com but I knew I’d find an example of what I’m talking about. This guy (Shawn) has a girlfriend of four years (he calls the relationship “great”). He’s interested in a co-worker who has a long-term boyfriend. He thinks he’s falling in love with the co-worker. Doc Love gives this advice:

What should you do about this whole thing? First of all, stop flirting with Shakira. Then go home and make a list of all the great things you have with Venus and start thinking about the idea of LOYALTY. If you can’t be loyal, guy, then get rid of your girl. You should be getting rid of your girl because you don’t like her anymore or you’re completely bored with her, not because you found somebody who appears to be better. And you can’t even compare them because your girlfriend has four years in with you and this new girl only has a couple of hours in. Duh.

Remember, guys: Loyalty is numero uno.

That’s the root problem: honesty and loyalty. Most relationships tank because of the loss of those two things. If a person is dishonest or not loyal, trying to forgive and patch up the situation isn’t the solution. It does aide the person to continue being dishonest and disloyal. What Venus doesn’t know is that she should be telling Shawn to go to Shakira when he has a problem, when he needs support, when he needs to talk, etc. At the time of that writing she didn’t know one of the people she trusted and loved the most was stabbing her in the back and consciously screwing her over, creating a painful situation no one should have to endure. One of the main reasons most relationships (of any type) fail: someone is being disloyal and dishonest. Look at the definitions of disloyal and dishonest:

disloyal –adjective
false to one’s obligations or allegiances; not loyal; faithless; treacherous.

dishonest –adjective
1. not honest; disposed to lie, cheat, or steal; not worthy of trust or belief: a dishonest person.
2. proceeding from or exhibiting lack of honesty; fraudulent: a dishonest advertisement.

Why would anyone want a person like that in their life? Most people would advise Venus to dump Shawn because he knows he is being disloyal and dishonest (he calls it being weak). Shawn will not turn strong, honorable, honest and loyal over night and he won’t whip into the complete opposite of who he is for another person either. He has to be that other person PRIOR to the relationship for it to work. The bottom line: When you have someone in your life that you care about and respect, the default action is to avoid hurting the person, not do the things you know will hurt/annoy/irritate/anger/etc. the person. When I mention an example like Shawn and Venus it is very clear Venus should dump Shawn. What about things like:

• Ever had the roommate you told not to touch your clothes and he/she did it anyway?
• Ever had the co-worker who eats your food when you told them not to?
• Ever had the boyfriend/girlfriend where you asked to call if he/she is going to be late and he/she never does yet will call their friends to tell them they are running late?
• Your girl/boyfriend promises to not cheat again yet…she/he does it again?
• Your friend says she/he will be honest with you but tells lies to manipulate you?
• Ever thought you resolved an issue with someone, was even proud of the compromise/sacrifice you made, only to find out the person betrayed you again?

See what I mean? The signs are always there. When a person continues to mistreat you (put their feelings over yours) there is only one option: leave them alone…not pray he or she will change. Trust cannot exist without loyalty and honesty. No type of relationship can exist without trust.

But let’s keep it real: If you allow someone to lie to you, be disloyal to you, hurt you, and mistreat you…there is something wrong with you. I refuse to be that person.

How Do You Stop The Bad Behavior?

For the longest time I would question things trying to make sense of why people did the things they did? What I didn’t want to admit: I misread some people in my life and I hoped they would change. I hoped they respected the things I’d done, the loyalty, trust and honesty I built on my side not to throw it away. I completely wasted my time because I was dealing with disloyal, dishonest and untrustworthy people.

And I accept it. If you have disloyal, dishonest and untrustworthy people in your life, you should accept it too.

People become friends (or greater) because you can trust them. Are couples happy when they can’t put their guard down because they can’t trust their spouse? No. Do you like going to work and your boss watches your every move because he/she doesn’t trust you? No.

Trying to make people fit into roles in which they don’t belong (and in my case they were trying to live up to roles they weren’t ready or possibly meant to have) just makes everyone involved miserable. Now that I see these types of situations like the playground fights we all have as kids, you either let someone walk all over you and become a doormat or you stand up for yourself, no matter how much it hurts.

I have no more questions. I no longer seek answers. I realized my mistake the other day and this weekend, I owned it (took responsibility for it). For those in the past that got away with it, I hope they enjoyed it.

If I can do it, you can do it. Stop being a doormat.

To Wolfe: Thank you.

Friends…are we really?

As I said I met a lot of people online and some of my closest friends (I don’t have many) I met online. Two people who follow each other aren’t friends. Two people who chat aren’t friends. They are acquaintances. You aren’t friends until you’ve been through situations together and survived.

I met Bill Cammack online over a year ago. I can say he’s a good friend. We talk online but we talk via other methods as well. More important than that we “grow” in the same direction. We have similar interests. I taught him some things. He taught me some things. We have a blast learning things together and we have each others backs. We have differences of opinion but that ends up working well because seeing things from different perspectives “works”. The fact that we chat doesn’t make us friends, our consistent actions does.

Most online interactions do not end up like that. You can chat with someone everyday and not be their friend. You work with people and talk to them everyday but do you consider all your co-workers your friends? Of course not. It’s the same thing.

Drunks….

I receive drunk sexual advances all the time. I usually get this more Friday-Monday than the rest of the week. I understand people get lonely some times and when I see this happen, I don’t respond. I certainly don’t engage them in behavior they don’t do when they are sober.

See, to me it boils down to trust, morals, ethics. Trust is very important to me. That’s how you know your true friends (or good people): when you are vulnerable they won’t take advantage of it.

I had that happen to me. A guy called me drunk, I didn’t realize he was drunk (he sounded like he always did) and some things were said (non-sexual). The next day when I realized he was drunk, I backed up. It was like it never happened. I didn’t mention it. If I had known was drunk I would have talked about sports or something. And he knows this…he can trust that I won’t take advantage of him.

That’s the reputation I want to have. There is a difference between your significant other or someone you are dating reaching out to you intoxicated and what essentially is a stranger. Some people can get sexual with people they don’t really know. I’m not one of those people. I won’t let just anyone get a piece of me.

If you are one to engage in this type of behavior see it for what it is. Once you’ve gone sexual with someone deep down the person will probably want you to run off and play elsewhere (in other words leave them alone). Especially if he/she was drunk when he/she approached you. Catch the “go away” hint early. Don’t be one of those pathetic people that try to make something more than what it was.

Drunks…Part 2

This happens A LOT on Twitter. People get drunk and say a bunch of things (non-sexual) that they don’t mean. They are going to start a business. Throw out business ideas. Spill their guts about their lives. Threaten suicide. Threaten their exes. Beg their exes to take them back. A large range of actions. Some of them are really scary, especially those threatening suicide. It can be hard to watch someone in so much pain and not be able to do anything about it.

If you reach out to someone when they are vulnerable remember that doesn’t make you buddies. The person doesn’t owe you anything because you were kind. If you “started” a partnership based on ideas discussed while intoxicated, don’t expect that to pan out because you started a business venture with no foundation. Don’t make it more than it was.

In the end…

Everything you do and say online speaks for who you are as a person. It’s a dot one can connect when determining what you stand for. Are you the poor business person? Are you the hothead that never thinks before acting? Are you the whore that has sexual interactions with strangers? Are you the ultra efficient blogger? Are you the hypocrite where your actions don’t match your words? Are you trustworthy? Are you honest? Are you loyal? Are you pushy? Ignorant? Dominating? Unrealistic? Funny? Fake? Kind-hearted? The comic that isn’t funny?

What do your actions REALLY say about you?

Qualitative vs. Quantitative

I was reading a blog entry about World of Warcraft and it summed up a point very nicely (it applies to everything). In the scenario of the following damage output stats in a 5-man instance:

Rogue = 2100
Warlock = 1900
Hunter = 1700
Prot Warrior = 900
Holy Paladin = 25

Which one was the best player? The average answer is the Rogue because the Rogue did the most damage. Unfortunately, that’s the narrow-minded (and inaccurate) way of looking at things:

But what if I told you the rogue stole aggro on half the pulls, refused to sap the correct target, and rolled need on every boss drop? And what if I told you that the hunter consistently trapped mobs that got loose and ran toward the healer, never Multi-Shot mobs that were CC’d or minding their own business, and offered a feast every time someone died?

I’ll tell you right now, as a tank and someone who often puts together and leads instance runs, I’d take the hunter anytime they wanted to run, and I’d add the rogue to my NotesUNeed list under “Avoid.”

Even though the Rogue did the most damage the Hunter brought more value to the group.

Applying This Online…

With online interactions, for example blogging, which person are you? Are you the one that comes in last and not making a good effort? Are you the pain in the ass that does good work but takes advantage of people and situations? Or are you the Hunter that sees what needs to be done and does it efficiently and effectively.

In your business interactions are you the person that claims you have a particular set of skills when in truth you don’t (the Rogue)? Are you the person that is knowledgeable in your field and can accomplish the goals you set out to accomplish (the Hunter)?

In the End…

You can pretend to be one thing but the truth will come out on who you really are. The Rogue isn’t as good as the Hunter and that will not change until the Rogue realizes their “bad” behavior and stops doing it consistently.

Which person are you…really?

Swoozie finished a set of videos based on his experience with Sims Online. In Part 1 he explains how he got into the game and how he met a “friend”, the girl was popular, and to make a long story short, she moved in with him (in game), leaving her “husband” in a very cold manner (a Dr. John letter). In Part 2 Swoozie explains how things got old as they settled into a married couple type life style and how having “fun” again in the game backfired royally. I highly recommend looking at the videos. They are awesome and Part 2 will definitely make you laugh. If you want to subscribe to the RSS feed for YouTube here is the feed.

With social media (Facebook, Myspace, YouTube, Twitter, etc.) it is very easy to meet new people online. Games (computer and consoles) makes it even easier. I’ve said many times the internet is like a shield for a person to act like a fool do something they wouldn’t do face to face. I keep it real – I’m the same way online and off. I don’t say anything behind a person’s back I haven’t said to them personally (unless I don’t talk to them of course) but if I do communicate I’m not going to smile in their face and stab them in the back talk about them behind their back.

It is very easy to fall into the trap of taking for granted the people we interact with online because the consequence of them reacting to it face to face isn’t there. Let’s step back a minute and talk about this.

In Swoozie’s video the lady he encountered was married to the mayor in the game. Swoozie spent a considerable amount of time with the girl before she asked to move in with him and Swoozie had no idea she was married. Where was the mayor? Why wasn’t he spending time with his “wife”? If he was handling his business in game she wouldn’t have been able to spend as much time with Swoozie as she did. When she “divorced” the mayor she had no problem writing him a Dr. John letter and moving in with a guy she’d know a week or so. When Swoozie “cheated” on the girl he kept saying, “It’s just a game” but instinctively he knew what he was doing was “wrong” because he took measures to mask his actions. That said, I don’t believe if Swoozie had “real” interactions with her he would have made the same choices….and that’s the crux of this article.

It’s so easy….

Online we create friendships easily and learn a lot about people. In Facebook every day I get the opportunity to share in the lives of complete strangers. When they get new partners, break up, get married, have kids, get fired I see their updates, almost as they unfold. It is very easy to feel as if you know someone, without ever talking to them or meeting them, because you know so much about them. And because of this, people enter into partnerships, friendships, relationships, etc. with people online because, let’s be honest, the internet is a wonderful networking tool.

How often do those different type of relationships actually work out? How long before one someone starts taking the other for granted? In a relationship presenting oneself different than he/she really is? In business not doing their share of the work? In friendships not acting like a friend? The trust and mutual respect become broken and the “relationship” falls apart. You’ll no longer be Facebook friends, talk on instant messenger, email each other – it dissolves into nothingness. So easy to move on to the next person….

Lessons learned…

One thing I’d bet Swoozie learned from his Sims Online experience is the fragility of online interactions. If you watch his videos you’ll see he seems to truly appreciate his audience. He doesn’t do the glib “I love you guys!” alone…his actions back up his words. He responds to comments. He lives the life he talks about in his videos. But most important, he makes an effort to release his videos on time. He doesn’t throw a video together, you can see the editing and thought that goes into his videos. The words and the actions match. When you interact with people online, that is what you want to look for. Consistent words = actions behavior.

Ok Tyme, what’s your point girl?

People treat you with exactly how they feel, regardless of what they say. Most times there are cues that show their “real” side that we often ignore. The fact that the girl was willing to leave her “husband” for a stranger (and write him a Dr. John letter) was a sign “flighty”. Asking to move in points to her being clingy. Putting 200K in the tip jar and redoing Swoozie’s house showed she was too attached (playing the wife role). Swoozie was suffering from…

“What you believe determines how you behave…” ~ Swoozie 8/21/07

It is very easy to make oneself appear to be one way when he/she is really the opposite. How do you know what to believe? It is equally as easy to ignore the signs knocking you upside your head. Don’t allow yourself to get caught up in how “cool” someone appears to be. Take a good look at their actions instead. Here is another example: Swoozie talks about this in this video:

Make sure you watch the first one (the lies start 4 minutes in) so you know the three lies he tells. Can you tell which one is the lie and which two are the truth? I guessed right but I don’t want to spoil it. I’ll share why reasoning in comments. If you believe a person is cool, regardless of how the person behaves, you’ll treat the person like he/she is cool, ignoring the “bad” behavior (not that the person is getting away with anything because the bad behavior will catch up with them eventually).

Always remember…there is a consequence for every action we take. Don’t assume someone will always be there and take them for granted. Don’t always believe what you are told. Be cautious when the actions don’t match the words.

Look at things realistically…how things are…not how you’d like them to be when you interact with strangers online.

One last thing…

Below is a picture taken from a video response I was going to send to Swoozie to one of his videos. I opted not to send it because I kept looking bugged out. Say goodbye to the light hair. Next week I’m darkening it up. When I went outside the other day, the sun shined on my hair, bounced off the snow, and I lit up the block.

People are jumping into social media consulting (what is that?) advising businesses without any prior business consulting experience.

No degree.
No experience maintaining or growing a large online community.
No business planning experience.

See what I mean? Maintaining a large online community does not magically give someone business skills. Social skills, yes, but not business skills unless they’ve monetized it but even then the experience is in one niche. Can those experiences necessarily be applied across the board to more traditional businesses? People, with the best intentions, are giving advice but are they qualified to give the advice? Making the distinction between authoritative advice and inexperienced opinion is hard because rarely do people disclaim and say, “I’ve never done this but, I think…”. Assessing both is fine for decision making but to make the best decision one needs to know the difference between someone inexperienced and someone with experience.

On Bill’s site I took part in a discussion about whether a performer’s reputation and past failures (stigma or negativity) would follow the performer. Here is a quote that sums up Bill’s position:

***Disclaimer: Bill is NOT a social media “expert”. We were having a conversation on his site and it makes for a good example. He’s a good friend of mine and ya’ll know the social media experts I’m talking about because I discussed this before.***

The PERSON is going to be “judged” on their own merit. The SHOW is, as well. IF the show was bad because the “on-air talent” isn’t talented, then BOTH the show and the figurehead get blamed and THAT goes along with them to the next show they host. If the PERSON was good in the show, but it failed for other reasons, I don’t believe any stigma’s going to be attached to that performer.

I disagree. If I am trying to integrate video into my company’s offerings (an online show for example) and I need to hire a host for the show, their previous experience is going to come into play the first step.

You see, when people write business resumes their experience is listed chronologically starting with the current position going back to the first position. The entertainment field is different. Their “resume” requires the performer’s best work to be put first. The order is not chronological; the projects are listed in the order of the best project to the worst project. The industry itself dictates a hierarchy on good vs. bad, giving very little wiggle room to be judged by any other merit but success.

Now add on to that I am a business owner looking to make money. At least double or triple my investment. This is business baby, not “let me hold your hand and make excuses for your failed projects” time. I need successes because that proves the performer is “better” than the others. Just like a high-level position “proves” one employee is more experienced than the other. Is this an exact science? Absolutely not but if the resume itself is created to provide the reader with successes first, judgment on merit doesn’t apply. Unless the performer has a look I’m interested in their resume would end up in the “no” stack.

But let’s be nice and say I like someone and their resume is under par but something about them touches me. I call them into an interview and they proceed to tell me why the projects failed. Bad management. Not enough advertising. The reason for the failure wasn’t their fault.

Am I supposed to believe that?
Am I supposed to take the time to research that?
Am I supposed to care?

As one who has booked entertainers for different projects (both personal and for clients) I have been privy to the discussions on whether to pick an unknown over a popular person or picking someone with failures (for whatever reason) over someone with a more established history. If a company picks a person with negative baggage, that past baggage can become the company’s current baggage. That potentially means additional funds might be needed for the project. Why not pick an unknown instead?

You think picking a popular person would be best right? Not necessarily because you see, they have baggage too. If the project fails the failure is “worse” because more people know about the project. Or worse, the performer’s audience might be against them doing other things, especially if the new project takes time from their original gig. This is the age of social media where one person can Twitter, “This sucks! X used to be good until the new show started!”, starting a domino effect of negativity that needs to be dealt with.

We all have to own our actions and we don’t always have the chance to justify our actions. Most times we don’t – decisions are made about us that we have no idea are being made. Judgments about us are being made and we’ll never have the chance to defend ourselves.

And the truth is, the irresponsibility of making unwise business decisions is what put our economy in this horrible position. For example, hiring people who are unqualified or worse, people assuming they are qualified because they “think” what they are saying makes sense. How many failed projects – real failures no half-ass explanations and spins – do these social media “experts” have? Let me be blunt – how many times did their advice equal a return on investment (profit)? Are these things being measured?

I strongly suggest, especially in this tough economic time, that you make your decisions wisely. The choices we make now are more important than ever because the competition, in just about every industry, is reaching record numbers. More people are vying for a lesser pool of jobs.

If you notice I still disagree with Bill but I didn’t comment again over there. Next week I’ll explain why….

1) Many of the active people in comments weren’t around so comments would be light.
2) From what I can tell most the people that comment on my site don’t use Twitter.

Writing the article, I knew, would be an unpopular move (in terms of interaction) but I felt the need to express myself on the topic so I did it anyway. My core audience is the average, normal everyday non-geek person (mainstream-ish audience). Twitter has almost no appeal, Facebook is for friends only (people they know), they have no desire to try every new application that comes on the web. Matter of fact, their internet time is limited because they spend more time living their lives offline that interacting online. I’m lucky, I have the opportunity to find out things about my audience one on one.

Most people with sites aren’t that lucky. They are writing in the dark hoping to find people who connect with their content. That is where I think they fall into the pitfall of over-caring about traffic. People start blogs in hopes someone reads them, they check their stats to see if anyone is reading, then get trapped in being focused on the stats.

And unfortunately begin to care very little about the readers themselves.

You see this all the time. “I’ll do what I want, how I want, when I want but oh yeah, let me check those stats!”. When I see this I wonder how they expect to get traffic without understanding their audience? But tell me this: if you go to a restaurant and they don’t have what you want, do you stay? If the dealership doesn’t have the car you want do you look elsewhere? If the boy/girl you like doesn’t have the traits you’re interested in, do you make him/her your boy/girlfriend?

No.

Then why, while you’re doing what you want, when you want, how you want (with no knowledge about what YOUR readers want) should any reader stay on your site? What have you done for them lately?

And there you have, in a nutshell, why social sites are popular. Easy to gain followers with little to no effort.

I used to do podcasts all the time, weekly actually, on different topics. People heard me laughing or heard the tone of my voice in the podcasts and, when reading similar words, knew the tone in which I was speaking regardless of how it seemed. The connection or bond formed is different because of the different communication methods. An IM conversation will be different than an email, a voice chat, or a video chat. All of those will be different than me talking to you late at night chilling with a drink on the phone. I used to have more interaction with those that follow what I do.

On a fluke I took 100 random email addresses (5 sets of 20 straight from the database) from comments made on my blog within the past 2 years and sent out a quick email asking their interest in audio and video. So far I’ve received 56 responses varying from yes to detailed suggestions on what they would like in the audio/video. I asked some people on IM their thoughts as well. I have not received a “no” yet but I was chastised for stopping the podcasts and for taking so long to bring them back. Ironically, this couldn’t have happened at a better time because I’m in the process of changing things around with my sites. Having their feedback on what they want helps me fill the void in what they want verses what I was going to do.

Communication is important and in the social environment of the internet how one opts to communicate can make a big difference. I notice many people are misunderstood on Twitter trying to cram their thoughts in 140 characters. People in general are enjoying deeper forms of communication like video in comments, sites like Seesmic where people talk to one another via video or the SuperStreams we do where we interact with our users. If we could get audio and video with users on that it would be crazy bandwidth spent but loads of fun.

You also end those types of interactions knowing more about the person you were interacting with. I learned things about the people watching the streams that never ever would have come out on their blogs or in an IM conversation.

That’s the beauty of different forms of communication – different “results” based on the method of communication used.

*Quote in the title is by Anne Morrow Lindbergh*

• Unrealistic perception of his club – to him, the club was the bomb. To everyone else, it was inadequate in comparison to the other clubs in the area.
• Because he was leading his decisions by his emotions he was irrational to talk to. He only saw things through his own eyes and did not properly consider the people coming to the club nor the vendors that would need to work with the club.
• Anxious and excited to open the doors he took shortcuts that are impacting his business now.

A person that is ruled by emotion more than objective thinking doesn’t tend to do too well in business. How did the opening weekend go? Opened with almost everyone leaving early on to go the next best spot.

What Happens Offline Happens Online Too

Ever came across a site that was overly pink? I pulled a random color so feel free to replace pink with a horrible color combination, bad fonts, etc. MySpace pages are an excellent example of a person having so much passion for their profile they put so many moving, blinking, and color clashing items on the profile it takes a determined person to read the profile, let alone come back. If you notice on those profiles the people who comment and interact with the profile owner are people that admire, know, like (ie: are passionate) about the profile owner. Just about anything could be on the profile and those users would accept it because they are “into” the profile owner.

Unfortunately outside of social sites, that analogy doesn’t work as well and can fall flat on social sites if the person isn’t social. I think we can all think of sites that wanted traffic, received it and couldn’t handle the load. Why ask for the traffic without the proper hardware/software in place? Think about that – if the site owner wants millions of people on the site is the excuse, “we didn’t anticipate…” a valid excuse?

Most times not.

This happens all the time. Person wants comments but doesn’t have the time to interact with people. Or has crappy hosting that couldn’t support that type of interaction in the first place. Site owner wants traffic but again, has crappy hosting or worse a zillion widgets on the site to slow it down to a crawl on a good day. Oh wait…they want the traffic to monetize the site but does the person have the contacts to get the ads or are companies supposed to pick their site out of the blue instead of the hundreds of other sites that have a lot of traffic to give them their money?

Be careful what you ask for.

Another pro for the internet is that it can be relatively easy to have a presence online. A con is that most people do not realize the impact of the decisions they make.

On Saturday night I went out with my friends and we decided to chill out after. One of the conversations led to ex-boyfriends/girlfriends and someone wanted to show us their ex. He pulled up his Facebook profile and the look on his face was priceless, I wish I had the camera ready to take a picture. Then he said, “HELL NAW!!!” and he started taking deep breaths. When he logged on he was presented with pictures his friend uploaded. Normally that is a good thing.

His friend was pictured with someone he couldn’t stand and to make it worse, a link to the both of their profiles so anyone looking at his profile could jump to the profile of the person he didn’t like. Yes, I know the guy could have micro-managed what was displayed on his profile but he didn’t want to deal with that. The better solution, for him, was to un-friend and that was the default reaction of the group (and that is what they said their friends did as well) for consistency. On Twitter the ability to micro-manage is not available.

I’m not going to bring up the thought of having to maintain friends like this across multiple sites.

That is a very interesting situation. His friend had every right to take and upload pictures to his account. The guy with us had every right to not want someone he didn’t like on his front page. I can see both sides of this issue. The guy with us thought about it for a minute and made the statement he was going to un-friend the guy. I understood that too.

This started a separate discussion about friends online and the difference between true friends and connections. An interesting point came up that I honestly did not think about (but I understand the logic). Let’s say someone comes across one of your profiles where your friends are visible. The person is considering being your “friend” and looks through your current friends. Unfortunately, the person finds someone he or she doesn’t like. The trend I realized last night: if the dislike is stronger than the positive feeling he or she has for you, the person will not be your friend online. Essentially, by subscribing to people you don’t really care about one way or the other could be prohibiting people from interacting with you because, in this wave of public interaction, they would see interaction with people they don’t like showing up on their profiles. With Twitter it would be @ responses. Facebook, it could be pictures.

I know I do this offline. I will not associate closely with someone who is too closely attached to someone I dislike. I dislike people for reasons like inability to trust, no ethics, lack of honesty, manipulator, etc. meaning, anyone that would want to associate with someone like that isn’t someone I want to be around. As long as I’ve been online I rarely cross paths with people I prefer not to interact with. I realize that is because I do most of my interaction via IM, email and my blog. I’m not the norm, most people do the opposite of what I do.

I realized that the implications of what one does online can be have more impact that expected. And of course, as per usual, the response to this will be: “That will never happen to me, I don’t have to worry about that.”

Until it does…