You ever look at your life and wonder how you got to be where you are? I did that tonight and I am truly baffled. It is getting to a point where I can’t say anything without someone leaping to stupid conclusions. I usually don’t write when I am angry but I don’t think this anger is going anywhere anytime soon.

I can’t go into specifics about anything but obviously, there are some things that need clarification. For the stupid.

Hello, my name is Tyme White….

I don’t date around, don’t have casual sex, don’t really publicly link to my offline friends on social sites, and I don’t cheat. I have high morals and I think honesty, loyalty, etc. are important. I am not obsessed with sex or having a man in my life.

I’m not the chick a guy will meet at the club and get sex from. I’m not the chick that expects to have her way paid for all the time. I’m not the chick that dates multiple guys. I’m not the chick that is clingy and wants to spend all her time with a guy.

However, if I do enter into a relationship, I will do my best to make the guy happy. Not getting overly serious too quickly, but I will appreciate he is in my life and try not to take him for granted. Hopefully we will learn, share things and grow together.

I’m not the chick that, if a guy comes to me about something, will say whatever words necessary to get him to shut up, and will betray him later on by lying and doing whatever I want to do. I don’t like hurting people I care about. It’s like hurting myself…I feel bad when I accidentally hurt someone.

Let me introduce myself again. My name is Tyme White…

If you thought I was dating someone, you were wrong. If you thought I was attracted to someone, you were wrong. If you came up with these ideas because of something said on Twitter, you’re seriously a dumb ass. If you thought these things, came to conclusions without asking me – fuck you and thanks for knowing me so well. If you came to an ever stupider conclusion (that I can’t say) and especially didn’t ask me – go to hell, fuck you, and karma’s a bitch.

If I were dating someone, I would focus on that one guy because um…that’s what I do. If the guy isn’t good enough to just date him why date him in the first place? And since when have my relationships EVER started out that way? They ALWAYS start out from a CLOSE FRIENDSHIP that developed OVER TIME because…

…wait for it…

I’m not the woman that has casual sex, dates around, etc.

Obviously I need to clarify some more…

If I ask a guy if he wants to hang out with me while I’m on a short trip…does that sound like we’re dating? I mean seriously, that would be a complete diss. To make the plans for the trip, completely exclude him, then – after I’ve been there a couple of days – invite him for a day or two. WTF? What it does sound like is a friend who was going through a tough time that could use a distraction for a day or two. That doesn’t mean he’d be sleeping in my bed. Why?

Aaah…you remember??????

That’s not how I roll.

When I am in a relationship, do I broadcast it, especially in the beginning? No…why….

Oh yeah, I don’t link to offline people on my social profiles and I’ve been there, done that. Especially in the beginning, I’d want it to be just about us. Not me, him and the world watching coming up with stupid ass conclusions I’d have to explain.

As much as I’ve been traveling what kind of relationship would that be? Where I purposely leave him out? Just pick up and go. Without a second thought to the guy. There are so many things here that are totally against my personality it’s laughable.

Except I am pissed off royally.

Do you know what it is like to have to explain everything?

You know I had to have a script written to periodically replace commenter information (email, IP) because I have stupid asses in my life that like to hack into shit? If I say a guy has a nice chest, nice legs, sexy name that somehow translates to some sort of higher level relationship. Yes, I can’t give compliments anymore without it getting twisted. Do you know what it is like to be worried your friends, who might not even be that close to you and heaven help them if they are, might say the “wrong” thing, drawing too much attention to them publicly because I have stupid asses in my life that don’t talk to ME about situations yet jump to stupid ass conclusions?

And let’s not forget praying that this time I’m being told the truth, the person will keep their word and is being straight with me.

That’s sad. It’s not normal. It’s definitely not healthy.

Seriously, get it together…

In life you will encounter toxic people. The type of person that knows they have faults, don’t resolve them, but are quick to point out faults in others. Willing to tear someone else apart to escape their own miserable life…they are too weak to fix. People who will drive wedges in good friendships because of their own insecurities. There are all types of toxic people with different sets of “symptoms”. In the end, they do not bring “good” into your life.

I try very had to bring “good” into the lives of those that are close to me. I try very hard to be loyal, honest, and dependable. For the most part, when my friends need me they know I will be there. Not only do we have fun with one another but we have a strong foundation. When the foundation begins to crumble and the “good” turns into bad (I’m dependable, loyal and honest – they aren’t. Not that I’m perfect but when I see something not working (or something outsides the boundaries I feel comfortable with), if I can’t resolve it, I’ll boucne), there is only one thing that can happen: the friendship, relationship, etc. crumbles.

If you keep toxic people in your life you become toxic yourself. If you’re one of those that want to be successful in life, your ability to achieve that success is directly dependent on you’re ability to remove toxic or “bad” situations out of your path. There are many paths to success but few ways to maintain it…the ability to make the right decisions the majority of the time over a long period of time.

It has gotten to the point where I don’t say anything about what is going on in my personal life anymore to anyone (but my crew) because of this. Stupid shit. This is why my Facebook profile is empty, MySpace is unused, comments are usually closed on my site and in a minute Twitter will go dark too. It’s not worth it. This is foreign to me because, at one time, I talked about personal things and my words touched people in different ways (didn’t really have toxic people in my life then). I miss that and I’ve become disinterested in many things because the thought of the drama turns me off.

The good news is…

Through World of Warcraft I’m meeting some really cool people and if I can force myself not to be dismal and trust a little bit, I think I can make some really cool friends. Of course, to not drag them into this craziness, I need to get rid of the toxic elements in my life once in for all. I went through crazy bullshit when I was trying to recuperate and I honestly wasn’t strong enough to recuperate and fight stupid shit at the same time. Unfortunately, that meant a lot of pain…some of it I still haven’t gotten over.

But I’m 100% healthy now and I’m done putting up with bullshit.

I’m not going to be the doormat. Not anymore.

And I’m tired of fixing shit that shouldn’t be broken in the first place.

To be triple clear….

This isn’t towards a guy I like that had things wrong (seriously, no guy on my mind at all – none). This is about people thinking weird shit that goes against my everything I believe in. That’s why I never wanted to be a celebrity – they go through this all the time. I’m focused on other things right now. A relationship isn’t a priority for me.

Basically…I want my life back. And I’m grabbing it.

I was doing so good not cursing too…and I know this isn’t going to make sense to many of you but I thought writing this rant would help me cool off. It didn’t.